Rantings of a boring person.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
I figured out why I am so obcessed with these two.
I came to the conclusion why I am so obsessed with the Tenth Doctor and Rose Tyler. I can identify myself in Rose. Rose is a lost little girl without a father. My father was in my life, but we were working class/military family so I never really had him in my life growing up. The Doctor reminds me of my first love.
I miss him everyday.
What I wouldn't do to just have him in my life again.
My soul has been forever broken. He was the most wonderful/childish/adventurous man I have ever met. He didn't mind being silly. Laughing at the stupidest things, or doing the stupidest things to make me smile.
I knew deep in my heart this love was not going to be permanent one. One the universe would not allow.
One reason I never tried to tie him down.
He was taken when I met him. We remained "private" friends throughout high school. He saw me with my boyfriend, and he with his girlfriend. Whenever I would look in his direction; our eyes would meet. There was always a longing in his clear, blue eyes. The kind of look that spoke volumes of love and longing just to be in each others arms.
We both knew we were too young to be serious. I was going to college, and was going to work in print media.
If I only never then what I know now...
I would have threw all the high-school bullshit away. Michael is no longer on this earth, but I do see him in my dreams. Those night he comes into my dreams the butterflies come back. I feel warm and safe. All the dangers of this world are forever suspended in time. I also don't sleep the next night.
For, I still mourn for this man. I don't think my current husband realizes how much I do mourn him. It's beyond weeping. My eyes are bloodshot. I cry until the tears stop coming. This man was my life, my world.
I have flashbacks back to the time we both walked the earth. I wish I could freeze time in that moment. When I didn't have a care in the world.
We I looked forward to what new adventure was next.
When I could wait to see his smile.
I will see that smile again.
One day.....even if it in just a dream.
Hopefully, it will be the dream when I take my final sleep.
LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
OUR Dirty Laundry, Not so dirty. Thanks to a Kneatfreak!
This recipe for laundry detergent has been popping up on my feed for about four months now. I would look it over but I would never pitch any of my boards. I mean, I am not a manufacturer many sorts and I thought is easier just buying the detergent from the store.
If you have not read my blog for a long time; you may have read I was in accident last year. Now I cannot go on all the details about the accident, but it has been a bit of a struggle. We start cutting corners with all the luxury items (ie Going out to eat, Lush, the feel-good stuff). We had a savings account, and that us afloat for a little while. I kept looking at our expenses vs. our needs. The more more got into trying to balance a household on a fixed income. The more depressed I become. The depression got to the point of the depression actually won. That is enough about me.
I want to talk about this laundry detergent. I was skeptical first, But having a person like Kneatfreak actually trying it first swayed me little. You have know Kneatfreak to understand the ramifications of this situation. This woman is a cleaning domestic goddess. She makes cupcakes and cookies, she drops off CARE PACKAGES to people who feel down, she organizes events for kids of all ages, and she is an all-around great mom. She is the 2010's June Cleaver.
So I told the hubs, "I cannot keep spending $20 bucks a week to do laundry." Yes, we have boys and they are very dirty and a change of clothes constantly. So off to a big retail store we went. I really thought there was going to be an issue in finding all of the ingredients. I WAS SO WRONG! have you ever gone to the store and thought, "there is no way to have this?" And there it is right on the shelf. They start going to different stores, and you find the same thing in different stores. Well, this would happen us.
THE INGREDIENTS ARE EVERYWHERE!
Below is a link for the recipe straight from Pinterest. Enjoy.
Oh, and by the way it has been three months since we bought laundry detergent. :)
LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Back on track
As you can tell, I took a little time off from my blogging. I was in a very bad accident in August of last year. Again, I have gained all the weight back. Also my home life has been very hectic. We just went a week without home heating oil at the end of winter. The average days was 32° in the daytime and it would fall to 19° at night. I was actually miserable. I thought as I failed my family. Here we are hiding in two bedrooms with space heaters with all the animals just to keep warm.
Things are starting to get better. I have started counseling for my PTSD from the accident. Unfortunately, I have to fire my current counselor. She has canceled all four of my appointments in one month. I see her once a week. With all the elements of stress in my life I really needed To talk with her. After she canceled for four weeks in a row, she still had the nerve to tell me that she never canceled appointments. I am still in the care of four doctors. Next week, I will be starting PT for my back. If the interventions do not work; I will be going under to have nerve blocks lumbar puncture procedures done.
I am disappointed in myself for not keeping up with this blog. There is some good news though. My oldest-autistic-son is not graduating this year. He is not ready for college at this point. I had him held back a year; so he can focus on his reading comprehension and writing. He needs learn organization. He needs to learn good study skills. His problem is not so much knowledge inside the books; because, he does know that he is a very smart child. I been pulling my hair out with my sons school for about six years now. He has not learned disability on his IEP. He was constantly not reaching his goals. I am going to these meetings, and just get frustrated. We were always at a standstill matter what I did. So I called the Autism alliance in my state. The woman on the other end of the phone, was Heidi. Heidi is absolutely wonderful. She is able to many doors for my oldest son. He is fine getting the help that he needs. She has guided me through the IEP process. She made sure that I got independent evaluation of his IEP. She also got me in touch of a great lawyer in family law. My sons school knows that I am not playing anymore. Take this last IEP for example:
I was attempting to have Heidi come in for one of our meetings. Heidi gave them a long list of available times that she could meet with the whole team. There was about eight or nine different dates and times in Heidi's letter. I am not Heidi's only client. Heidi is the one at the Autism alliance that specializes in coming and representing the parents at the IEP meeting. We had a set date and time. Then the school had to reschedule, and a reschedule, reschedule, and reschedule. They rescheduled the meeting so much that we actually went over my son expiration date for his IEP. I think this was I she afraid of Heidi; because, of her reputation. She has a passion for the the children she represents. It got to the point were they were rescheduling the appointments without our knowledge of the meeting times. They called me while I was in school asking me why I did not attend the meeting. They swore that they had a confirmation from me. I asked in the show me my acceptance for the meeting and writing. They could not produce those documents. If I can tell you anything, and you take away anything, from this blog; please, please, please always get everything in writing. It will save you a ton of headaches later on. If you have a special needs child; please document everything, have a journal, record everything that you do not the child every cent you spend on them. The schools are trying to cut their budgets as much as possible. When I stuck my son in the charter school, they did not even have a special ed program. So, during a meeting iron of calling shenanigans on the school psychologists, the autism team, and the guidance counselor. I caught them in a lie. I made sure that their attempted deception were in the meeting notes. I also signed the meeting notes on the paragraph where the lie is recorded. I am finally getting for my son.
Do not let anyone tell you, because you have a special needs child, that the "no Child left behind law" gives the teachers a free pass to promote your student even though they are not exceeding. That is utter and total bullshit. My son cannot read novels. His handwriting looks like someone from kindergarten is writing. He cannot write paragraphs in proper AP style. He cannot even fill out a job application. But yet the school sees it fit to pass him, and let him graduate due to him having an IEP. The shit that is poured here in high school will never fly in college. I want to give him the best tools possible so he can succeed in college, and get a kick ass job.
The youngest is doing fine. We are having potty training issues with him. He does not have accidents, but I let him ONCE pee in a Mountain Dew bottle so he would not have to go outside in the freezing-cold to use the bathroom. I mean we were in the middle of nowhere in the state of Maryland. There were no rest stops, no buildings, Only farmland as far as the eye could see. Now he finds the need to use everything but the toilet to collect his feces and urine. I am sure this is just a fascination. I hope I can quickly end this curiosity. Either that or I am going to buy him a shove, and show him how to use the bathroom when he go camping.
Even with all the stress we been going through were okay. We made it through this tough time, and I am sure to make it through many more. Today's Valentine's Day. Again I am starting this blog. I will not delete the past stories; Because, they actually how hard it is to maintain a healthy lifestyle. OK. I possibly have the most stressful job, I am a part-time student at two different colleges, I am raising a special-needs teen and a toddler, but yet I find the time to come on here and tell you how doing. You reading this blog. You give me strength. You make me feel like I am accountable for my actions. I know I have restarted this journey many, many times. But I feel my heart of hearts that I can do at this time. I successes of other diets but I did not document them at the time. I have a bunch of works in progress that I need to finish and upload. So be prepared to see a lot of activity in the next week. Majority of it will be addressed over the weekend. I plan on saying two hours aside for me to get my transition finished; working my paperwork for my national registry; and start finally piecing my life back together.
Thank you for all you have done for me. Giving me words ofencouragement when I really need them. This blog will also continue with my journeys with the kids and my husband. I am going to stop slacking and get my shit together. I need this, not for just me. I need to make this change for my kids. I need to make this change my husband. And especially the need to make this change for the community that I served.
The tools I will be using are as follows: P90 X Lean, Sparkspeople.com-for meal planning, Fit bit to measure my daily steps and sleep, myfitnesspal.com also for food consumption( have a great scanning program to make sure you are eating right foods. Just scan the barcode annual have the entire nutritional list at the fingertips), and lastly https://www.fitocracy.com (when I feel better) so I can stay motivated. There is no better app for free weights. My username noise programs is scribbles412. Add me, friend me, tweet me, or just silently follow my ventures.
LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Things are starting to get better. I have started counseling for my PTSD from the accident. Unfortunately, I have to fire my current counselor. She has canceled all four of my appointments in one month. I see her once a week. With all the elements of stress in my life I really needed To talk with her. After she canceled for four weeks in a row, she still had the nerve to tell me that she never canceled appointments. I am still in the care of four doctors. Next week, I will be starting PT for my back. If the interventions do not work; I will be going under to have nerve blocks lumbar puncture procedures done.
I am disappointed in myself for not keeping up with this blog. There is some good news though. My oldest-autistic-son is not graduating this year. He is not ready for college at this point. I had him held back a year; so he can focus on his reading comprehension and writing. He needs learn organization. He needs to learn good study skills. His problem is not so much knowledge inside the books; because, he does know that he is a very smart child. I been pulling my hair out with my sons school for about six years now. He has not learned disability on his IEP. He was constantly not reaching his goals. I am going to these meetings, and just get frustrated. We were always at a standstill matter what I did. So I called the Autism alliance in my state. The woman on the other end of the phone, was Heidi. Heidi is absolutely wonderful. She is able to many doors for my oldest son. He is fine getting the help that he needs. She has guided me through the IEP process. She made sure that I got independent evaluation of his IEP. She also got me in touch of a great lawyer in family law. My sons school knows that I am not playing anymore. Take this last IEP for example:
I was attempting to have Heidi come in for one of our meetings. Heidi gave them a long list of available times that she could meet with the whole team. There was about eight or nine different dates and times in Heidi's letter. I am not Heidi's only client. Heidi is the one at the Autism alliance that specializes in coming and representing the parents at the IEP meeting. We had a set date and time. Then the school had to reschedule, and a reschedule, reschedule, and reschedule. They rescheduled the meeting so much that we actually went over my son expiration date for his IEP. I think this was I she afraid of Heidi; because, of her reputation. She has a passion for the the children she represents. It got to the point were they were rescheduling the appointments without our knowledge of the meeting times. They called me while I was in school asking me why I did not attend the meeting. They swore that they had a confirmation from me. I asked in the show me my acceptance for the meeting and writing. They could not produce those documents. If I can tell you anything, and you take away anything, from this blog; please, please, please always get everything in writing. It will save you a ton of headaches later on. If you have a special needs child; please document everything, have a journal, record everything that you do not the child every cent you spend on them. The schools are trying to cut their budgets as much as possible. When I stuck my son in the charter school, they did not even have a special ed program. So, during a meeting iron of calling shenanigans on the school psychologists, the autism team, and the guidance counselor. I caught them in a lie. I made sure that their attempted deception were in the meeting notes. I also signed the meeting notes on the paragraph where the lie is recorded. I am finally getting for my son.
Do not let anyone tell you, because you have a special needs child, that the "no Child left behind law" gives the teachers a free pass to promote your student even though they are not exceeding. That is utter and total bullshit. My son cannot read novels. His handwriting looks like someone from kindergarten is writing. He cannot write paragraphs in proper AP style. He cannot even fill out a job application. But yet the school sees it fit to pass him, and let him graduate due to him having an IEP. The shit that is poured here in high school will never fly in college. I want to give him the best tools possible so he can succeed in college, and get a kick ass job.
The youngest is doing fine. We are having potty training issues with him. He does not have accidents, but I let him ONCE pee in a Mountain Dew bottle so he would not have to go outside in the freezing-cold to use the bathroom. I mean we were in the middle of nowhere in the state of Maryland. There were no rest stops, no buildings, Only farmland as far as the eye could see. Now he finds the need to use everything but the toilet to collect his feces and urine. I am sure this is just a fascination. I hope I can quickly end this curiosity. Either that or I am going to buy him a shove, and show him how to use the bathroom when he go camping.
Even with all the stress we been going through were okay. We made it through this tough time, and I am sure to make it through many more. Today's Valentine's Day. Again I am starting this blog. I will not delete the past stories; Because, they actually how hard it is to maintain a healthy lifestyle. OK. I possibly have the most stressful job, I am a part-time student at two different colleges, I am raising a special-needs teen and a toddler, but yet I find the time to come on here and tell you how doing. You reading this blog. You give me strength. You make me feel like I am accountable for my actions. I know I have restarted this journey many, many times. But I feel my heart of hearts that I can do at this time. I successes of other diets but I did not document them at the time. I have a bunch of works in progress that I need to finish and upload. So be prepared to see a lot of activity in the next week. Majority of it will be addressed over the weekend. I plan on saying two hours aside for me to get my transition finished; working my paperwork for my national registry; and start finally piecing my life back together.
Thank you for all you have done for me. Giving me words ofencouragement when I really need them. This blog will also continue with my journeys with the kids and my husband. I am going to stop slacking and get my shit together. I need this, not for just me. I need to make this change for my kids. I need to make this change my husband. And especially the need to make this change for the community that I served.
The tools I will be using are as follows: P90 X Lean, Sparkspeople.com-for meal planning, Fit bit to measure my daily steps and sleep, myfitnesspal.com also for food consumption( have a great scanning program to make sure you are eating right foods. Just scan the barcode annual have the entire nutritional list at the fingertips), and lastly https://www.fitocracy.com (when I feel better) so I can stay motivated. There is no better app for free weights. My username noise programs is scribbles412. Add me, friend me, tweet me, or just silently follow my ventures.
LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Maybe it's chemistry?
If you are a long time reader, you know I have been trying to lose this weight for some time.
It's been since 2009 when I saw the back half of 150 lbs. I have cut my calories, cut out glutens, had a colonoscopy and endoscopy. I have taken test after test. Everything comes out clear every time.
Until now.
My blood sugars have been running high lately. Not huge. Just a little high. My fasting sugars are what my doctor is worried about. Every day I wake and test, I'm averaging 130mg/dl and above. Also, I have had nodes on my thyroid since the birth of my son 17 years ago. The doctor is concerned with letting them go unchecked for so long. I recently left my doctor; I had since I was 14 years old. This doctor believed that if you test for it once, and the test comes out fine then it doesn't need follow-up.
I constantly would remind him and his staff about prior test. They would shrug it off and tell me not to worry "we already checked that...The results came out fine."
As of today, I injured my right knee in 2008. It continues to ache, click and pop since the injury. I would tell the doctors about the pain and discomfort and was told I was nitpicking. Now, my left knee is injured. Same thing is happening again with a different doctor. We ran the test. Everything looks fine. Well, I have been complaining of the same pain since August. You would think they would run the test again. They may have missed something the first time. The swelling is down now. Just test it again.
I am no longer going to accept this is the way things are. I promise you I will be searching for answers and get to the last possible result.
My has been miserable since 2010. I am tired of being tried. Tired of doing everything asked of me, and still feeling like shit. Tired of following directions to a "T," and still not getting results.
Damnit! I should be a size 0 by now.
In the next month I will:
See a neurologist.
Follow on diabetes and endocrine issues.
Get my lesions, nodes and polyps checked.
This are good goals for now. Tomorrow, however, I will be spending with my family at the zoo.
@scribbles412
It's been since 2009 when I saw the back half of 150 lbs. I have cut my calories, cut out glutens, had a colonoscopy and endoscopy. I have taken test after test. Everything comes out clear every time.
Until now.
My blood sugars have been running high lately. Not huge. Just a little high. My fasting sugars are what my doctor is worried about. Every day I wake and test, I'm averaging 130mg/dl and above. Also, I have had nodes on my thyroid since the birth of my son 17 years ago. The doctor is concerned with letting them go unchecked for so long. I recently left my doctor; I had since I was 14 years old. This doctor believed that if you test for it once, and the test comes out fine then it doesn't need follow-up.
I constantly would remind him and his staff about prior test. They would shrug it off and tell me not to worry "we already checked that...The results came out fine."
As of today, I injured my right knee in 2008. It continues to ache, click and pop since the injury. I would tell the doctors about the pain and discomfort and was told I was nitpicking. Now, my left knee is injured. Same thing is happening again with a different doctor. We ran the test. Everything looks fine. Well, I have been complaining of the same pain since August. You would think they would run the test again. They may have missed something the first time. The swelling is down now. Just test it again.
I am no longer going to accept this is the way things are. I promise you I will be searching for answers and get to the last possible result.
My has been miserable since 2010. I am tired of being tried. Tired of doing everything asked of me, and still feeling like shit. Tired of following directions to a "T," and still not getting results.
Damnit! I should be a size 0 by now.
In the next month I will:
See a neurologist.
Follow on diabetes and endocrine issues.
Get my lesions, nodes and polyps checked.
This are good goals for now. Tomorrow, however, I will be spending with my family at the zoo.
@scribbles412
Thursday, December 27, 2012
I'm tired of waiting...
Hello.
I know it's been a long time since I wrote.
Right.
I have been going to a ton of doctors appointments lately.
I have not given up on my actual diet. I've actually been really good.
I'm down to 193.6 pounds. Yes, a long way away from 236.
A lot of the new drugs they have me on make me sleep all day, and I by the time I wake up the day is almost over. I have been good about making sure to stay active even when I don't make the gym's hours. In turn, all this sleeping and consistency is making it hard to do anything else. So it's been really hard to keep up with blogging, the taking pictures, and a social networking. I'm so sorry for this. Those items will be remedied soon.
Right now, I am tired of waiting on my husband. He says he wants also lose/weight get in-shape. He gives excuse after excuse on why he doesn't want to go. Excuse are like assholes; everyone has one and most of them stink.
I think, right now, I'm going to make sure that I get to the gym every morning. I'm going to be "that mom" who looks damn good with an overweight husband. I think jealousy is the best motive I can do right now to also get him into shape. He's a jealous guy, but not overbearing. I think when he see what I can accomplish he will follow. We were looking at old photos of me (and where I am now), and he had decided to cut out sugar again.
What's going to happen when I start looking hot? I'm sure he'll follow.
Below, is a message I sent to him today. I'm planning on coming back from the gym around 11. I'm sure it'll still be sleeping in bed by the time I get home. I'm tired of waiting for my husband. This time is for me.
I know it's been a long time since I wrote.
Right.
I have been going to a ton of doctors appointments lately.
I have not given up on my actual diet. I've actually been really good.
I'm down to 193.6 pounds. Yes, a long way away from 236.
A lot of the new drugs they have me on make me sleep all day, and I by the time I wake up the day is almost over. I have been good about making sure to stay active even when I don't make the gym's hours. In turn, all this sleeping and consistency is making it hard to do anything else. So it's been really hard to keep up with blogging, the taking pictures, and a social networking. I'm so sorry for this. Those items will be remedied soon.
Right now, I am tired of waiting on my husband. He says he wants also lose/weight get in-shape. He gives excuse after excuse on why he doesn't want to go. Excuse are like assholes; everyone has one and most of them stink.
I think, right now, I'm going to make sure that I get to the gym every morning. I'm going to be "that mom" who looks damn good with an overweight husband. I think jealousy is the best motive I can do right now to also get him into shape. He's a jealous guy, but not overbearing. I think when he see what I can accomplish he will follow. We were looking at old photos of me (and where I am now), and he had decided to cut out sugar again.
What's going to happen when I start looking hot? I'm sure he'll follow.
Below, is a message I sent to him today. I'm planning on coming back from the gym around 11. I'm sure it'll still be sleeping in bed by the time I get home. I'm tired of waiting for my husband. This time is for me.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
I overslept...A little.
Today, I woke up at 5 PM. I do not know why I slept so long. Me waking up so late threw a wrench in all of my weekend plans. I did however do my assignment. I am working on trying to be a better person. I started with positive status updates on my Facebook. I try to complement everyone I see. Tomorrow is helping my parents out for most the day, and then we will be going to a friends house to celebrate the holidays. The gym will be opening in about an hour. I plan on going.
There is a lot of "what if's" in my life right now. I am still enrolled at and out-of-state to community college. I have been in contact with another out-of-state community college. It looks like that I will be graduating this time next year. With all that is happen to me in the (last going on six years) a few years; I will be glad to resume to some normalcy my life.
In the next few months I will be rebuilding my body, my family, and my career. Of course I will continue to blog this, but I do not think I be able to keep up with the every day daily excerpts. I did wake up at 5 o'clock today, and here I sit 4 AM trying to catch up. Although, the Internet does give me a chance to air my thoughts. It is not always the best remedy for situation. Sometimes just need to be able to have a two-way conversation with an adult.
So I ask you my readers, how do you deal with stress your lives? Who are your biggest stressors? When you let them get to you? How do you relax?
LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
There is a lot of "what if's" in my life right now. I am still enrolled at and out-of-state to community college. I have been in contact with another out-of-state community college. It looks like that I will be graduating this time next year. With all that is happen to me in the (last going on six years) a few years; I will be glad to resume to some normalcy my life.
In the next few months I will be rebuilding my body, my family, and my career. Of course I will continue to blog this, but I do not think I be able to keep up with the every day daily excerpts. I did wake up at 5 o'clock today, and here I sit 4 AM trying to catch up. Although, the Internet does give me a chance to air my thoughts. It is not always the best remedy for situation. Sometimes just need to be able to have a two-way conversation with an adult.
So I ask you my readers, how do you deal with stress your lives? Who are your biggest stressors? When you let them get to you? How do you relax?
LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
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