Breaking the news

I was walking through the bay at my transportation job on Friday. My partner called out and I was waiting for someone to be called in.

One of the girls was laughing. She looked straight at me and asked why I was wear my beanie. I showed her the pink hair. She was like it looks great, But why pink? She said it wasn't too bright and it was only noticeable in certain lights.

Then she dropped a bomb.

She said, "You really look like a chemo patient there. "

The whole room stopped talking.

She was like, what did I say?

Nobody had told her why I had to call off the better part of my week.

So jokingly, I said I would be one soon enough.

She then said that wasn't funny. Then my face went serious. Now really I have a mass on my lung. I don't know if it was benign or malignant. I don't know the size. Or if it's matastized.

She continues to say it's not funny, but there is a panic urgency in her voice.

She is waiting for me to say I'm just kidding. But I'm not.

Then I say just pray for benign. She broke down into tears. She was mad. Really mad. She was saying how I have the baby and I didn't smoke, and how could life be this cruel. I told her not to think about it too much. Until they say it's malignant or metastasize is when to worry.

She asked about my reactions when I first found out, and yes cried my eyes out. In an ambulance, on shift in the home depot parking lot across from Christiana hospital. My partner just looked at me and said,"I'm sorry." and went back to reading his book.

Why do people say sorry? They didn't do it. Everyone don't say you are sorry when you see me. Express your feelings to me. I can take it. Plus, it is nice to know you are scared or anxious for me. I know I'm not alone with my feelings.

If this all goes to shit. Please watch after my family. We never ask for help when we truly need it. It's just better to invite yourself in and help out. We just have too much pride to admit we need help.