I didn't forget.

My son went to bed really late today. I get to workout today either because everything came crashing down.

Today at PT I hurt my knee again. I'm feeling like I'm lost. I just want someone to help me. Someone who is strong right now. Someone to tell the doctors, "No. She is hurt. She can't push herself anymore."

I missed yet another week with the counselor, and Chiro; because I need help getting my schedule together. Plus, I have to fight for the rights of my autistic son.

The school wants to schedule his IEP. A legal document that dictates how my son's education should be addressed. So far, he can barely read and his handwriting is horrible. He cannot fill out a job application. He has not handed in homework since 6th grade. Yet, the school has him graduating this year.

I have to get on top of this. I have to get my life organized. I am so tired of fighting. I have even thought of cutting or drinking again. Instead I got a memorial tattoo for Simon.

Simon was my dog that got me through my worst years. One night, I was making plans to possibly end my life. I had just finished the note. Placed it on my night stand besides the bed.

I grabbed my pills and paused.

Tears were coming in buckets.

I was just out of my teen years. A single parent, who was in a wheelchair due to drunk driver. I was told earlier that day there was a possibility I would not walk properly again.

My body was fighting against me. I was in extreme pain. I just pushed a baby out of my lower half, but this pain was worst, much worst. I lost my long-term boyfriend due to the accident. I felt so alone.

I had adopted Simon shortly after the accident. I had lost so much; I just needed someone to love me unconditionally. My son was too young to talk to, plus I did not want to every tell him mommy was not the strong woman he always saw.

Simon was an abuse case. Everyone told me it would take forever to get him to trust me. Simon lived in the laundry room. It was the only room that mimicked the size of his pen at the shelter. He felt safe there; so I didn't force him to come out when he didn't want to. He was also at the shelter for 18 months. All he knew was that pen.

I paused.

I took a moment to reflect on what I was about to do.

I really thought there was no way out. I thought I would never be happy again. When someone is this state of mind; they feel trapped; like there is no solution to the problem. I rationalized that my son was too young to remember me. He would be better off with my parents anyway. I thought what child would want a defective parent.

I started to weep. I wanted to scream out, but I just silently sobbed. Held the scream in. Muffled the sobs so no one would disturb me.

As I opened my eyes, I saw this scared cowering dog looking back at me. His soulful brown eyes looked deep into my soul. I had that little voice inside me say, "but I NEED you." Simon then put his paw on my foot.

The emotions broke loose. I put the pills back in the bottle, closed it, and threw the bottle in my closet. I laid down, and Simon jumped in bed beside me. He put his body next to mind, and his head on my stomach. He licked my hand, and then drifted to sleep.

Simon went with me everywhere from then on. Simon lived to swim. He rehabbed with me. He pushed me. I don't think I would have gotten thought this injury without him. I am forever in his debt.

Before I get hate mail; Simon made me a better parent. His constant pushing to get me walking again and his everlasting desire to play gave me the motivation to include my son in every aspect of my life.

On 12/12/12, I got this:


It's Simon's paw print. In the exact same spot he would put it to encourage me. Every time I paused his paw was always there.

Now with this latest speed bump in my life; I think it was more than time to memorialize this awesome animal.

I love you and miss you, Simon. Even though you are gone; you encourage me every day to get out, enjoy life, and stand my ground.

Rest in Paradise.

Simon 1994-2011

@scribbles412
The lazy housewife.

Rest in peace Simon 1994 to 2011

 I had to put my dog down about two years ago. 

I was blessed enough to have this dog for 16 years.  

His name was Simon. 

He help me out during some really dark times.  I suffer from PTSD.  I got this dog, as a companion dog, after the death of my fiancée.   

Simon and I were inseparable.

Simon would go to me virtually anywhere he was allowed to go. 

Today, I decided to memorialize Simon by getting a tattoo on my foot.  

When Simon I would go on our  adventures, whenever I would stop Simon would place his left paw on top of my right foot. I think he did it to show me that he would always be there.   Kind a like a mother touching a child to reassure them that everything was going to be all right.  It was a loving touch.  I believe he is trying to say no matter what I am here with you.

Simon, I love, and miss you, so very much.  Little bit of pain that I suffered 45 minutes to have you permanently in my life;  does not even start to pay back all you have done for me.

I miss you boy.

LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Sick Puppies - Maybe

 this song is exactly where I am right now.  I am so disappointed in myself; For not believing in myself.  It is time to change.    Or I will be leaving everyone behind much earlier than when I thought.

LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Last time

You have probably figured out by now, I am getting very busy.  

There has been a lot of stuff going on lately. 

I was recently in a car accident.  

Now, if you have never been in a car accident you need to know that the treatment for an accident is more like a second job.   On top of my mom job, my house wife job, and being a student, this was just another unnecessary burden and/or obstacle to be put on me.

I should have waited until I was in a better place to try to start blog up again.  

Right now I am in my sixth day of the 12 days Christmas fitness initiative.  This program is that my local YMCA, and I am actually keeping on schedule.  I am making a promise to myself and everyone with this blog that I will sit down every night and reflect on my day.

  This will be my final restart.  Dieting is not easy at all.  I have started diet plans.  I have failed at diet plans. I have broken promises that was sure I could keep.

  I have ever 30 years of bad habits to break.  It  is not going to come overnight.  This is a life change that I have to do.  I do if my children, my husband, and the computer it depends on me.  Every night I plan to sit down, and reflect on my day.  If I fail this last time;  I will delete this blog.  I want to show you how someone can develop 30 years of bad habits, and turn around to be healthy and happy.  This will be my last restart.  It is time to change.


LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Influencer.com

Found this great site:


let's see how it goes. Plus, If you missed me, I missed me, too.  I'll be back. I can say why I have been gone so long, but I'm happy to be back.

If you would like an invite, just ask.

LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Back on pointe

There is one good thing about my situation. I have plenty of time to plan.

I found this Tumblr account that goes by backonpointe. I would recommend it for anyone. It is mostly a dancer's page, bur It's has a ton of motivational meme and exercise routines.

I have not been giving the blessing to do these exercises on land, but I am able to do them in the water.

As far as my exercise routines, I have not even gotten off the pot. In my defense I have had a lot of doctor's appointments with Thanksgiving next week. I will be scheduling in the gym much like my doctor appointments.

I neglected to do this simple routine. Which is what my other plans have failed.

Well, today is a different day.

Let's hope I can love myself enough to get myself healthier.

Healthy or bust

I know this blog has made many attempts to start a diet.

There is a reason the word die is in diet.

All the fad diets I have tried all failed me or I failed them. Their goals were to ambitious to obtain. The diets I have tried either didn't work with my lifestyle, my diet concerns, or the goal were simply not realistic for me.

What I have found out over he period of my absence is I'm now a diabetic, who is allergic to wheat and gluten, with diverticulitis.

So now it's not about my vanity anymore. My restart will be my last attempt to change my life. I am doing this so I can be here with my kids. I cannot fail this time.

I will be using this space to organize routines, tell you about my follow-ups to old illnesses and the rest of the adventurous journey of a lazy housewife.

So, if you have been reading all along. THANK YOU.

I hope this is my last restart.

@scribbles412