Todays weight 178.2.
Lower body cross-trainer for 2.34 mile in 30 minutes.
hip add/abduction machine and abdominal machine.
I felt a wonderful high. Now only was the baby happy to play with all his friend in child care. I was tired and my legs felt fabulous. I have actually had a bowel movement with colic or other help. I can't believe why's difference a little exercise made in a gloomy snow day.
- Christian
Rantings of a boring person.
Friday, January 28, 2011
If you only knew
Well, some of you may have know me Pre 1998.
In 1998, my life changed dramatically. This was the year the love of my life moved on without me.
Michael was killed in a stupid avoidable accident fueled by alcohol and impulsivity.
Who am I kidding?
My life was a train wreck before then.
I was trying to remain sober with an out of control partner. I had my son to worry about. I actually felt as If I had two children.
I would bath Michael when he was too drunk to realize he had spilled food, and such all over himself. There was a couple of nights I got the call from friends to come and get Michael.
Then there were the nights he would disappear and not show up for days. All I wanted was to love him. I loved him above all else.
Here this man had a faithful woman, and he would disappear and lie to me as to where he was all night. Most of the times I knew he was with the guys. But other times, I would find out later, he would have spent that night in the arm of another woman.
Since May 24th, 1998, I have been on a slippery slope of decline. I started drinking again. Only to realize I was destroying the only family I had left. I sobered back up when I turned 28.
This is one of the reasons I flipped out on the doctor that suggested I was a drug addict. I have worked so hard to remain sober. I have to keep what tattered remains of my family together. When it seems like I'm slipping again, I scramble to piece everything back together. Even if there is nothing wrong with my actions. I will scrutinize every aspect if a situation to make sure I won't slip again.
With this new year, I plan on trying to get back to the old me. I want the healthy person back. A person I once knew. I'm not asking to be a size zero, but I want to try clothes on in a fitting room without tears. I will attend altanon meeting to process how much my life has attracted toxic relationship. My husband is a grown man. It is time to let him grow up. I will not coddle him anymore. I have promised myself to take time for myself. Let people into my life without worry.
I have started to clean and fix the house. I have joined the YMCA, and I WILL use it. I am reaching out and taking down walls.
Everything adventure starts with a single step. Here I go. Starting over at 35.
- Christian
In 1998, my life changed dramatically. This was the year the love of my life moved on without me.
Michael was killed in a stupid avoidable accident fueled by alcohol and impulsivity.
Who am I kidding?
My life was a train wreck before then.
I was trying to remain sober with an out of control partner. I had my son to worry about. I actually felt as If I had two children.
I would bath Michael when he was too drunk to realize he had spilled food, and such all over himself. There was a couple of nights I got the call from friends to come and get Michael.
Then there were the nights he would disappear and not show up for days. All I wanted was to love him. I loved him above all else.
Here this man had a faithful woman, and he would disappear and lie to me as to where he was all night. Most of the times I knew he was with the guys. But other times, I would find out later, he would have spent that night in the arm of another woman.
Since May 24th, 1998, I have been on a slippery slope of decline. I started drinking again. Only to realize I was destroying the only family I had left. I sobered back up when I turned 28.
This is one of the reasons I flipped out on the doctor that suggested I was a drug addict. I have worked so hard to remain sober. I have to keep what tattered remains of my family together. When it seems like I'm slipping again, I scramble to piece everything back together. Even if there is nothing wrong with my actions. I will scrutinize every aspect if a situation to make sure I won't slip again.
With this new year, I plan on trying to get back to the old me. I want the healthy person back. A person I once knew. I'm not asking to be a size zero, but I want to try clothes on in a fitting room without tears. I will attend altanon meeting to process how much my life has attracted toxic relationship. My husband is a grown man. It is time to let him grow up. I will not coddle him anymore. I have promised myself to take time for myself. Let people into my life without worry.
I have started to clean and fix the house. I have joined the YMCA, and I WILL use it. I am reaching out and taking down walls.
Everything adventure starts with a single step. Here I go. Starting over at 35.
- Christian
Friday, January 14, 2011
Docs appointment
Ok. I finally broke down and saw the doc again. After the last CAT scan came back clear I dent see why I need to make a follow up. But I kept feeling crapper each day. Last practice, I had tingling in my hands and I has so much mucus building up it was hard to catch a breath. Did I mention I was a geyser of clear mucus. I would be talking, and it would suddenly revolt.
Last night it happened.
What every infection I had let loose. My sinuses released what I called skin like puss pockets. And they have been releasing all day.
The doc thinks I may have hernia. Or an upper respiratory infection or an upper bowel infection.
He's also again told me to lower my stress levels.
Blood and X-rays are in the near future. Great. Lovely.
- Christian
Last night it happened.
What every infection I had let loose. My sinuses released what I called skin like puss pockets. And they have been releasing all day.
The doc thinks I may have hernia. Or an upper respiratory infection or an upper bowel infection.
He's also again told me to lower my stress levels.
Blood and X-rays are in the near future. Great. Lovely.
- Christian
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
back on track
Just getting life together so i can start this year out right.
Long list of errands here I come.
LO
VE
Christian
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Long list of errands here I come.
LO
VE
Christian
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
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