I'm tired of waiting...

Hello.

I know it's been a long time since I wrote.

Right.

I have been going to a ton of doctors appointments lately.

I have not given up on my actual diet. I've actually been really good.

I'm down to 193.6 pounds. Yes, a long way away from 236.

A lot of the new drugs they have me on make me sleep all day, and I by the time I wake up the day is almost over. I have been good about making sure to stay active even when I don't make the gym's hours. In turn, all this sleeping and consistency is making it hard to do anything else. So it's been really hard to keep up with blogging, the taking pictures, and a social networking. I'm so sorry for this. Those items will be remedied soon.

Right now, I am tired of waiting on my husband. He says he wants also lose/weight get in-shape. He gives excuse after excuse on why he doesn't want to go. Excuse are like assholes; everyone has one and most of them stink.

I think, right now, I'm going to make sure that I get to the gym every morning. I'm going to be "that mom" who looks damn good with an overweight husband. I think jealousy is the best motive I can do right now to also get him into shape. He's a jealous guy, but not overbearing. I think when he see what I can accomplish he will follow. We were looking at old photos of me (and where I am now), and he had decided to cut out sugar again.

What's going to happen when I start looking hot? I'm sure he'll follow.

Below, is a message I sent to him today. I'm planning on coming back from the gym around 11. I'm sure it'll still be sleeping in bed by the time I get home. I'm tired of waiting for my husband. This time is for me.

I overslept...A little.

Today, I woke up at 5 PM.  I do not know why I slept so long.   Me waking up so late threw a  wrench in all of  my weekend plans.  I did however do my assignment.   I am working on trying to be a better person.  I started with positive status updates on my Facebook.   I try to complement everyone I see.   Tomorrow is helping my parents out for most the day, and then we will be going to a friends house to celebrate the holidays.  The gym will be opening in about an hour.  I plan on going.

  There is a lot of  "what if's" in my life right now.  I am still enrolled at  and out-of-state to  community college.  I have been in contact with another out-of-state community college.  It looks like that I will be graduating this time next year.   With all that is happen to me in the (last going on six years) a few years; I will be glad to resume to some normalcy my life.

In the next few months I will be rebuilding my body, my family, and my career.  Of course I will continue to blog this, but I do not think I be able to keep up with the every day daily excerpts.   I did wake up at 5 o'clock today, and here I sit 4 AM trying to catch up.   Although, the Internet does give me a chance to air my thoughts.  It is not always the best remedy for situation.   Sometimes just need to be able to have a two-way conversation with an adult.

 So I ask you my readers,  how do you deal with stress your lives?     Who are your biggest stressors?  When you let them get to you?  How do you relax?

LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Five question Friday

Completely stolen from: 

http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com/2012/12/five-question-friday-121412.html

Questions for Friday, December 7th:

1. If you bake during the holidays, what is your favorite thing to make?
 I love to bake.  I make everything from brownies, cookies,  pies, cheesecakes.  But the sad part is; I am a diabetic; and I can  eat any of them.  So,  a good majority of my baked goods are given to my friends and family.
 
2. Present giving: Gift bag vs wrapped box?

  That depends on what is and who it is for.    If the present is for an older child, I tend to use a wrapped box and duct tape.   I make sure every corner of every covered in duct tape.  Doing this creates about 30 minutes of entertainment; while the older child is trying to remove the duct tape the safest way possible.   They are tried to return the favor many times.   Only to watch me open the box easily; because, I have a knife or if the box open with my teeth.  If it is for a child that is under two years old; it is always wrapped in a gift bag.  Ah.  The joy of watching a toddler take each piece of tissue paper and play with the contents of the bag; while throwing the toy and/or gift to the side.   Again, simple amusement for the whole family to watch.
 
3. What do you keep your thermostat on during the winter/summer in your house?

  I am totally a cheapskate.  During winter, the thermostat is set to 62 degrees Fahrenheit.    during the summer months, we do not have central air.  So, I  only allow one window unit to run a time.   My family for some reason believes that the temperature fairy comes out, and pays our bill.  It is hard to make sure that we are using energy efficiently in this house; because,  I am surrounded by penises.  And not a good way,  like a gang bang porn.  I am the only vagina in this house.  Even the dogs and small animals have penises.  And you know for sure, they are not thinking what the top head.   Their instinct is to always remain comfortable.  One summer they made us also comfortable, I received an electric bill  of $575.39 for....... ONE MONTH!

 After that last bill I decided that I would be called  the keeper of the thermostat.  Even throughout the a heat wave over the summer, the highest our bill was $370.   I do not care if we were sweating worse than a whore in church over the summer.  I was able to maintain our budget at all costs. 


4. When thinking of your "Christmas to-do list" what percentage "done" are you?

  I am only 5% done my "Christmas to do"  List.  I got the tree up it should count for something.    I am hoping that lights and decorations will be on it tomorrow.  I hope with how Saddam before the end of the weekend.  Last year we waited for Christmas you to put everything up.   Let us just say the kids were really, really bad last year, and we are actually thinking of skipping Christmas.  

 

5,  Do you do the "Elf on a Shelf"? If so, is your Elf naughty and what shenanigans has he gotten into?
   
 Yes, we do the "elf on the shelf."  My husband got them as a joke for my teen son a few years back.  My son actually name to Mr. pillow pants. That was a reference to Kevin Smith's movie Clerks II.  Because, I would rather you watch all the yummy goodness of that movie I am not explain the meaning of Mr. pillow pants,  and why it is so funny.  See, in my house,  if you do not believe you do not receive.  I do not care if you are eight or 80 years old. Santa will always live my house.  Some of things we made this for Elf do last year,  is somewhat disturbing even by my  standards.   This year, of course,  we cannot do the things we did last year.   We have a very impressionable three-year-old.  So they share Mr. pillow pants not be hanging out the Barbie strip club,  drink in the beers in the fridge, or attempting a panty raid. Do not worry.  Mr. pillow pants of the ventures will be documented at the blog remaining days left before Christmas.  I will be reading the story tonight and his father will put him in a toddler appropriate situation.  That is one thing I love that my family, we have the best since humor.   Even if you do not have kids, the off on a shelf can be hours entertainment for your sick, sick mind.  Hell, kidnap your nephews or nieces Elf on the shelf, and holding for ransom.   Take a bunch of instagrams  of Dorothy or Rocky whatever the hell your nieces and nephew named it.   Taking the places that that thing will never see until the child turns 15 years old.  Have fun.  Laugh, and have the best freaking Christmas or holiday......or Hanukkah......or whatever the hell you worship .......Kwanzaa.......Yule.  You have one turn to this life.......make it count.

LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Today's assignment

This in a new app I have been using. I am not at my computer right now, but when I can sit down I'll put link to the apple store so you may download it, too.

It's time for bed now. I will update what I did to accomplish this assignment.

The app can be found here:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/transform-your-life-year-awareness/id381788004?mt=8

I don't know where to find it in other markets.

UPDATE:  I miss PT today.  My knee was still hurting.   When I called to cancel my appointment, my therapist (who is very passive aggressive) threatened me that if I did not come in she was going to write my chart that I was non-compliant.

  So let me get this straight.  I went to your facility for treatment.  I was injured during the routine that you set up for me.  I am hurt and I do not feel like coming back today.  So, you are to threaten me for being non-compliant, with my compliance was a thing that got me hurt.

Hmmmmm.

  So, yes. I did stand up for myself. I expressed myself at time I would normally withdrawn.   I told that bitch off.  I told her that I was advocating myself; because, I was injured. I did not feel I coming in today. I felt that if I were to come back in and do the routine for a third day.   The injury was just getting it worst.  I will be looking for a  a new orthopedic doctor and PT therapists very soon.

  I could not believe how long I stayed on that same with that woman without cursing at her.  I   Did good for myself.  I finally told someone... NO!

 It felt good.  I will live with the consequences whatever they may be.

@scribbles412

I didn't forget.

My son went to bed really late today. I get to workout today either because everything came crashing down.

Today at PT I hurt my knee again. I'm feeling like I'm lost. I just want someone to help me. Someone who is strong right now. Someone to tell the doctors, "No. She is hurt. She can't push herself anymore."

I missed yet another week with the counselor, and Chiro; because I need help getting my schedule together. Plus, I have to fight for the rights of my autistic son.

The school wants to schedule his IEP. A legal document that dictates how my son's education should be addressed. So far, he can barely read and his handwriting is horrible. He cannot fill out a job application. He has not handed in homework since 6th grade. Yet, the school has him graduating this year.

I have to get on top of this. I have to get my life organized. I am so tired of fighting. I have even thought of cutting or drinking again. Instead I got a memorial tattoo for Simon.

Simon was my dog that got me through my worst years. One night, I was making plans to possibly end my life. I had just finished the note. Placed it on my night stand besides the bed.

I grabbed my pills and paused.

Tears were coming in buckets.

I was just out of my teen years. A single parent, who was in a wheelchair due to drunk driver. I was told earlier that day there was a possibility I would not walk properly again.

My body was fighting against me. I was in extreme pain. I just pushed a baby out of my lower half, but this pain was worst, much worst. I lost my long-term boyfriend due to the accident. I felt so alone.

I had adopted Simon shortly after the accident. I had lost so much; I just needed someone to love me unconditionally. My son was too young to talk to, plus I did not want to every tell him mommy was not the strong woman he always saw.

Simon was an abuse case. Everyone told me it would take forever to get him to trust me. Simon lived in the laundry room. It was the only room that mimicked the size of his pen at the shelter. He felt safe there; so I didn't force him to come out when he didn't want to. He was also at the shelter for 18 months. All he knew was that pen.

I paused.

I took a moment to reflect on what I was about to do.

I really thought there was no way out. I thought I would never be happy again. When someone is this state of mind; they feel trapped; like there is no solution to the problem. I rationalized that my son was too young to remember me. He would be better off with my parents anyway. I thought what child would want a defective parent.

I started to weep. I wanted to scream out, but I just silently sobbed. Held the scream in. Muffled the sobs so no one would disturb me.

As I opened my eyes, I saw this scared cowering dog looking back at me. His soulful brown eyes looked deep into my soul. I had that little voice inside me say, "but I NEED you." Simon then put his paw on my foot.

The emotions broke loose. I put the pills back in the bottle, closed it, and threw the bottle in my closet. I laid down, and Simon jumped in bed beside me. He put his body next to mind, and his head on my stomach. He licked my hand, and then drifted to sleep.

Simon went with me everywhere from then on. Simon lived to swim. He rehabbed with me. He pushed me. I don't think I would have gotten thought this injury without him. I am forever in his debt.

Before I get hate mail; Simon made me a better parent. His constant pushing to get me walking again and his everlasting desire to play gave me the motivation to include my son in every aspect of my life.

On 12/12/12, I got this:


It's Simon's paw print. In the exact same spot he would put it to encourage me. Every time I paused his paw was always there.

Now with this latest speed bump in my life; I think it was more than time to memorialize this awesome animal.

I love you and miss you, Simon. Even though you are gone; you encourage me every day to get out, enjoy life, and stand my ground.

Rest in Paradise.

Simon 1994-2011

@scribbles412
The lazy housewife.

Rest in peace Simon 1994 to 2011

 I had to put my dog down about two years ago. 

I was blessed enough to have this dog for 16 years.  

His name was Simon. 

He help me out during some really dark times.  I suffer from PTSD.  I got this dog, as a companion dog, after the death of my fiancée.   

Simon and I were inseparable.

Simon would go to me virtually anywhere he was allowed to go. 

Today, I decided to memorialize Simon by getting a tattoo on my foot.  

When Simon I would go on our  adventures, whenever I would stop Simon would place his left paw on top of my right foot. I think he did it to show me that he would always be there.   Kind a like a mother touching a child to reassure them that everything was going to be all right.  It was a loving touch.  I believe he is trying to say no matter what I am here with you.

Simon, I love, and miss you, so very much.  Little bit of pain that I suffered 45 minutes to have you permanently in my life;  does not even start to pay back all you have done for me.

I miss you boy.

LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Sick Puppies - Maybe

 this song is exactly where I am right now.  I am so disappointed in myself; For not believing in myself.  It is time to change.    Or I will be leaving everyone behind much earlier than when I thought.

LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Last time

You have probably figured out by now, I am getting very busy.  

There has been a lot of stuff going on lately. 

I was recently in a car accident.  

Now, if you have never been in a car accident you need to know that the treatment for an accident is more like a second job.   On top of my mom job, my house wife job, and being a student, this was just another unnecessary burden and/or obstacle to be put on me.

I should have waited until I was in a better place to try to start blog up again.  

Right now I am in my sixth day of the 12 days Christmas fitness initiative.  This program is that my local YMCA, and I am actually keeping on schedule.  I am making a promise to myself and everyone with this blog that I will sit down every night and reflect on my day.

  This will be my final restart.  Dieting is not easy at all.  I have started diet plans.  I have failed at diet plans. I have broken promises that was sure I could keep.

  I have ever 30 years of bad habits to break.  It  is not going to come overnight.  This is a life change that I have to do.  I do if my children, my husband, and the computer it depends on me.  Every night I plan to sit down, and reflect on my day.  If I fail this last time;  I will delete this blog.  I want to show you how someone can develop 30 years of bad habits, and turn around to be healthy and happy.  This will be my last restart.  It is time to change.


LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Influencer.com

Found this great site:


let's see how it goes. Plus, If you missed me, I missed me, too.  I'll be back. I can say why I have been gone so long, but I'm happy to be back.

If you would like an invite, just ask.

LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw