Dr. OZ

Normally I would say to steer clear of these kind of shows, BUT Jennifer Hudson was on.  She presents herself with grace. One thing she did say was "I let myself have bad days." Nothing can ring truer.

I am an emotional eater. I have a very big oral fixation.  I think it was past down to me from my mother and grandmother. Both were smokers and nail biters.  Of course, I'm a nail biter. I tried smoking, but it never settled on me. I can constantly touching my mouth.  Sometimes I go as far as just feeling my tongue.
I feel that a lot of eating disorder is directly related to stress. Once my stress is managed; I stop biting my nails, My hair starts getting thicker, and I lose a ton of weight.

I saw 156 in 2009 shortly after I had the baby. Then we had a wave of bad luck ranging for a death in the family to a cancer scare. I was so depressed. I didn't move from the bed.  I would; however; take care of my children, but I forsaken myself.

Today, my daily stressors include my job (I am in a high paced, stressful job), my finances (I don't see a way out), my health, and FACEBOOK. There has been a articles that I have read that suggests Facebook is highly stressful. Its true.  I get on Facebook and find out all the guys from the firehouse have "disconnected" our friendship.  I wonder what I DID WRONG. You know what I did.  I went up the chain of command and brought to light a situation of hostile work environment, sexual harassment, and slander and liable.  I could have just informed everyone with a court order, but I tried to handle everything internally. Them disconnecting from me really hurt me.  I seriously called them all my brothers.  Yes, I did get hurt a lot. These were people I called brother. These people I trusted with my life, and they can turn on me that easily. Well guys as of today:

I am one missed payment away from losing my house.
My husband has lost his job.
I am now working 4 jobs.
My health is getting worst with all the new stress.
I can barely make ends meet.

SO......

I just wanted a little relief from their bullshit.

So I'll let myself have a few bad days. I will try not to dwell on you petty people.



LO
VE
Christian

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Day one, again.

I'm going back to roller derby as of Thursday. I was a better firefighter; a better EMT; and a MUCH better mother when I played. Roller Derby also gives our family something to work towards. I am lucky enough to have 3 men to love and support me. We all participate in my derby. I play, they cheer. My son loves making posters, doing appearances, and even signing a few autographs.

Instead of eating my worries; I will be beating the crap out of myself (and a few close friends).

Follow me on fitocracy.com and myfitnesspal.com

My user name is scribbles412.

If I can't kick start it this time. I give up. I will just take what left of my broken life.


@scribbles412

Survival of the fittest

A lot of stuff been happening in my house.

I was doing really well. Dug ourselves out of debt. We were finally able to save a little bit. We went to convention. Hell, I even hit the 180's with my diet and exercise.

Today, I finally got assistance with healthcare. Now, I'm worried about the mortgage.

My husband after six years has lost his job. I guess I put too much faith that he would be a provider. It's been four weeks since he lost it.

I have been working a lot. I'm doing 56 hours a week with one job, and 36 with the other. I was hospitalized for exhaustion last Sunday. My body finally failed me. It started with shin splints; Then leg cramps; and it ended in a mild heart attack.

I am very tired.

I can't sleep.

My life is a train wreck.

We are waiting to see if my husband could possibly be eligible for unemployment. He has applied a few places, but nothing has happened, yet. I have another interview tomorrow. I'm hoping for this one. It could save our house, and quite possibly our marriage.

I love my husband, but I have to protect my boys. He needs to get more proactive. I cannot have him acting like he's on vacation.

The day he came home told me he lost his job. I got up; updated my resume; and got hired at three different places.

He, on the other hand, went to careerbuilder and put in a couple of resumes. He just not worried where we will be in the upcoming months.

Me?

I'm planning for survival.

Day one.

Of course, I'm not follow through with my promise.

Here I am at midnight again. I'm exhausted, and watching the bad girls club reunion. I have to be at work tomorrow at eight am. If I go to sleep now I still won't be holding myself to the promise I set for myself.

I promise myself to:
Get 8 hours of sleep a night.
Eat healthier.
Get my family more active.
Exercise at least 20 minutes a day.

Wish me luck. I'm going to need every ounce.

Let's try this again.

Just like many diets, I have failed again. I have tried to do a couple of things at once. The fad diets have got me up to 191.3. I was just 140lbs in 2009. Then last year, I did get down to 165lbs.

With me quitting roller derby, my health issues, and these fad diets; I have thrown all my routines down the drain.

I have got to do something. I have a before and after photo. The left-side of the picture is my post roller derby body. The picture on the left was taken tonight.

I am not happy with what I have become. I have stressor to the left and right of me. My husband was in a serious car accident, I had an abnormal blood test, now my husband has lost his job. We are not homeless, yet. My mind has stopped thinking all together. I am just going through the paces.

I wish we could just catch a break. Well, I can't control everything in my life. But, I CAN control what I do.

I'm going to try this again. They say exercise relieves stress. I will make it a point to log my days.

I will be using:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/scribbles412

http://www.fitocracy.com/scribbles412

http://www.sparkspeople/scribbles412

Please, follow me! Encourage me! I need all the help I can get.

Well tomorrow will be the start of a new day.

Sunday Sunday Sunday

Sunday will be the end of my 40 days of activity.

I did do at least something everyday. I could have done so much more. I think I just may do another 40 days, and give it the chance I should have had.

I will regain my old confidence.

I will be at least a size 8. I am shooting for a size 6.

Thanks for all the love and support.

Wordless Wednesday