Rantings of a boring person.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
2011
To do:
Register for school
Lose weight
Join the YMCA-goes with the weight thing
Go back to volunteering.
Work on Slumber Parties
Work on Sal and I's photography
Get organized
Work on house
Work on back yard.
Be a better neighbor.
Rediscover roller derby.
Pay down bills-hopefully debt free in 2012.
Repair credit.
Set up new blog site to separate resolutions and life and lazy housewife journey.- yes I will post the new site. Lazy housewife journey will return to diet only. Lazy housewife will have a ranting site.
Yes.
It seems a bit selfish but I have to do it. I gave everything to everyone else for the last three years. As I change my habits and vices I'm sure I can become a better person.
Remember to check out EMT IS ME-my job and volunteering with the fire service,
S8s- life on eights-my return to derby,
healthy journey of a lazy housewife-me trying diets and attempts to get fit.
And my new housewife blog-TBA
- Christian
Register for school
Lose weight
Join the YMCA-goes with the weight thing
Go back to volunteering.
Work on Slumber Parties
Work on Sal and I's photography
Get organized
Work on house
Work on back yard.
Be a better neighbor.
Rediscover roller derby.
Pay down bills-hopefully debt free in 2012.
Repair credit.
Set up new blog site to separate resolutions and life and lazy housewife journey.- yes I will post the new site. Lazy housewife journey will return to diet only. Lazy housewife will have a ranting site.
Yes.
It seems a bit selfish but I have to do it. I gave everything to everyone else for the last three years. As I change my habits and vices I'm sure I can become a better person.
Remember to check out EMT IS ME-my job and volunteering with the fire service,
S8s- life on eights-my return to derby,
healthy journey of a lazy housewife-me trying diets and attempts to get fit.
And my new housewife blog-TBA
- Christian
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Why
This argument has been going on for two almost three years now.
The man I married is gone. When we were dating he showered me with love and attention. He made sure I was content.
I don't know where that man when. I have a self centered, procrastinating man now. What finally broke my back was last night.
My gifts are in the mail because he was too self absorber in HIS schedule to get them earlier.
He keeps saying he didn't have the time or money. He had a week off every month. I took him to stores and pointed out the stuff I wanted. There was an excuse EVERY TIME as to why he couldn't stay in the store. He ignored everything I said.
The only thing I didn't do is grab him by the ear and shove it in his face.
Recently I received a settlement. I have spent a total of $75 on myself with that money. It almost all but gone.
I wanna pout today. Earlier this month. I helped to save my neighbors from a fire. I sacrificed my health, time and job for our child. I sacrificed roller derby for a medical issue. I sacrificed firefighting for cancer.
The one day I was looking for my feeling to be validated I got jack shit. Like my birthday, Mother's day and Valentine's before it.
When will I ever learn?
- Christian
The man I married is gone. When we were dating he showered me with love and attention. He made sure I was content.
I don't know where that man when. I have a self centered, procrastinating man now. What finally broke my back was last night.
My gifts are in the mail because he was too self absorber in HIS schedule to get them earlier.
He keeps saying he didn't have the time or money. He had a week off every month. I took him to stores and pointed out the stuff I wanted. There was an excuse EVERY TIME as to why he couldn't stay in the store. He ignored everything I said.
The only thing I didn't do is grab him by the ear and shove it in his face.
Recently I received a settlement. I have spent a total of $75 on myself with that money. It almost all but gone.
I wanna pout today. Earlier this month. I helped to save my neighbors from a fire. I sacrificed my health, time and job for our child. I sacrificed roller derby for a medical issue. I sacrificed firefighting for cancer.
The one day I was looking for my feeling to be validated I got jack shit. Like my birthday, Mother's day and Valentine's before it.
When will I ever learn?
- Christian
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Coincidence
Dr feelgood plays on the radio whenever I'm leaving to go to my pain management doc.
- Christian
- Christian
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Getting back on track.
I just realized it's the 15th of December. The last thing I remember is Halloween. Where did the time go?
I realized something was wrong a week before Halloween. My feelings were confirmed a week after Halloween. Now I'm at a stand still.
I got one report back that the tumor is gone. Like a Christmas miracle it simply disappeared.
Then why am I so depressed.
I sleep til noon and don't have the energy to do anything. Before anyone starts to worry able the baby, he is well taken care of. If it wasn't for him I would most likely not leave the bed at all.
He's growing up too fast. He tells me he's hungry, thirsty and when he needs something.
Tomorrow my kids are getting their mommy back. With nine days left before Christmas, I'm going to attempt to organize this house and finish Christmas shopping.
I heard of shift work syndrome and I may explore and blog about it more.
I normally become super depressed when my husband is on his quick turn around shifts. Four on, three off, three on, one off, four on. It seems like my husband isn't even a part if this family. He just comes to sleep and eat.
Everything becomes a priority and Everything is "dumped" on me.
Now is the time to stop it all. I know it's coming every month.
But I hate to cut this short. The baby just woke up and wants to play.
- Christian
I realized something was wrong a week before Halloween. My feelings were confirmed a week after Halloween. Now I'm at a stand still.
I got one report back that the tumor is gone. Like a Christmas miracle it simply disappeared.
Then why am I so depressed.
I sleep til noon and don't have the energy to do anything. Before anyone starts to worry able the baby, he is well taken care of. If it wasn't for him I would most likely not leave the bed at all.
He's growing up too fast. He tells me he's hungry, thirsty and when he needs something.
Tomorrow my kids are getting their mommy back. With nine days left before Christmas, I'm going to attempt to organize this house and finish Christmas shopping.
I heard of shift work syndrome and I may explore and blog about it more.
I normally become super depressed when my husband is on his quick turn around shifts. Four on, three off, three on, one off, four on. It seems like my husband isn't even a part if this family. He just comes to sleep and eat.
Everything becomes a priority and Everything is "dumped" on me.
Now is the time to stop it all. I know it's coming every month.
But I hate to cut this short. The baby just woke up and wants to play.
- Christian
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Maybe not such a good idea
Ok. Today, I gave my donation at the lab, so I can start my new job coming up down south.
I can't believe how much this cancer thing has actually effected my day to day living. I am so backed up right now with house work, school things and doctors appointments I don't think I'm ever going to catch up.
Well.
Since with this new job I maybe running calls both emergency and 10-96. I showed my face, and my doctors release, at my other volunteer fire company and picked up a couple of calls.
I love being a part of a volunteer fire company. They pay for my education, and I give back time. Plus, doing the runs sharpens my skills to use later in my daily job.
Well, last night we got an assault. PD was on scene.
Scene safe. BSI.
We walk in to an "alternative lifestyles" party.
No big deal. My other job is direct sale for romance enhancements. My partner was a country boy. His eyes were bugging out. Me, on the other hand, was ok with the situation.
The lights were on in the banquet room when we first arrived. Glitter covered everything. Our patient was on a bench at the door, with a small puncture wound to the scalp. The club asked us it they could resume the party. I believed it was alright, if it was cleared with the officers. I had seen the wound. I flushed it with saline and was applying direct pressure. I sent my partner for the stretcher and board.
There was enough light to safely board and collar this patient in the front. Plus, I sympathized with club owner. Time is money, and patrons were leaving.
Remember. I did say scene safe. BSI.
Most of my colleague laugh at me; because, my gloves are on before I even get out of the front I wear them up to transfer of care.
Well.
When those lights turned off, black lights came on.
Proteins glow in black lights. Proteins would most be bodily fluids.
That couch was a glowing with small splatter marks an what looked like down under creases (ladies remember this).
This couch was PRETTY POPULAR.
I must have had a look on my face; because, my patient thought I "found" something bad with their head wound. Truth is there was a splatter mark right next to their ear.
I collared my patient, and load them on to the backboard.
I placed them on the stretcher with O2, and took off.
By the way, that box was is bypass for a hour so I decontaminate myself.
I am so glad I'm not the clubbing age anymore.
I'll ALWAYS remember the first critical fail.
SCENE SAFE.
BSI.
- Christian
I can't believe how much this cancer thing has actually effected my day to day living. I am so backed up right now with house work, school things and doctors appointments I don't think I'm ever going to catch up.
Well.
Since with this new job I maybe running calls both emergency and 10-96. I showed my face, and my doctors release, at my other volunteer fire company and picked up a couple of calls.
I love being a part of a volunteer fire company. They pay for my education, and I give back time. Plus, doing the runs sharpens my skills to use later in my daily job.
Well, last night we got an assault. PD was on scene.
Scene safe. BSI.
We walk in to an "alternative lifestyles" party.
No big deal. My other job is direct sale for romance enhancements. My partner was a country boy. His eyes were bugging out. Me, on the other hand, was ok with the situation.
The lights were on in the banquet room when we first arrived. Glitter covered everything. Our patient was on a bench at the door, with a small puncture wound to the scalp. The club asked us it they could resume the party. I believed it was alright, if it was cleared with the officers. I had seen the wound. I flushed it with saline and was applying direct pressure. I sent my partner for the stretcher and board.
There was enough light to safely board and collar this patient in the front. Plus, I sympathized with club owner. Time is money, and patrons were leaving.
Remember. I did say scene safe. BSI.
Most of my colleague laugh at me; because, my gloves are on before I even get out of the front I wear them up to transfer of care.
Well.
When those lights turned off, black lights came on.
Proteins glow in black lights. Proteins would most be bodily fluids.
That couch was a glowing with small splatter marks an what looked like down under creases (ladies remember this).
This couch was PRETTY POPULAR.
I must have had a look on my face; because, my patient thought I "found" something bad with their head wound. Truth is there was a splatter mark right next to their ear.
I collared my patient, and load them on to the backboard.
I placed them on the stretcher with O2, and took off.
By the way, that box was is bypass for a hour so I decontaminate myself.
I am so glad I'm not the clubbing age anymore.
I'll ALWAYS remember the first critical fail.
SCENE SAFE.
BSI.
- Christian
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Really?
So the Bullie learned to get of pen today. Wouldn't be so bad but right now the dogs don't get along with each other. So now, I have a bunch of walking wounded at home. Sydney had puncture wounds on his leg. Bloo's eye is all bloody and swollen. Simon was the only smart one in the bunch. He headed for the hills. I found him hiding behind the trash bag at the top of the steps. I'm glad we did come home after seeing santa. Or I think I may have come home to a dead dog or two. Now, I have to choose. Rukus a wonderful Bullie breed. Or the rest of my brood. I believe this family can work. It's going to just take time to get everyone on the same page.
-Christian
-Christian
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Back to basics
My favorite pair of "fat" jeans.
Simple enough right. You know those are the jeans, that don't make you look like you are pregnant and shapes the cottage cheese that is your buttock. Well, I accidentally mooned an unsuspecting crowd the other day when my favorite pair of jeans failed me.
I have gone back to the http://www.Sparkspeople.com diet. I would really call it a diet per say. It teaches you how to live and eat. The potions looked small to me before, but I got use to it.
The only thing I don't like about it is the limits on foods. Every once in awhile I like a nice Ribeye or Sirloin steak. Those options are not available on the Sparks peoples diet. Another option I feel Sparks in a miss is the ability to "scan" your foods.
Another diet I have been using is the Daily Burn. I found it as an iPhone app. It lets you use your phone as a label scanner and all you have to do is insert how many serving you ate. Daily Burn also tracks your exercise and suggests exercises to do for maximum benefit. Daily Burn also tracks weight and let's you view real time progress. It is for the most part a free app. It can be upgraded to a the Daily Burn Pro for 9.99. This gives you a 30 day subscription, from what I understand, to make the app more integrated with a desktop, gives you meal planning options, and more advanced exercises, progress reports and body tracking. For the mess I am now, the free app is good for me. I will more likely try the Pro once I get closer to my target weight and size. I will also be using my other apps like iMap my walk and iMap my run. I use iMap my Run when I'm skating.
As I said before, things are finally looking up. Now the weight is going down.
Stress is the biggest weight gainer, but that is another rant.
LO
VE
Christian
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Simple enough right. You know those are the jeans, that don't make you look like you are pregnant and shapes the cottage cheese that is your buttock. Well, I accidentally mooned an unsuspecting crowd the other day when my favorite pair of jeans failed me.
I have gone back to the http://www.Sparkspeople.com diet. I would really call it a diet per say. It teaches you how to live and eat. The potions looked small to me before, but I got use to it.
The only thing I don't like about it is the limits on foods. Every once in awhile I like a nice Ribeye or Sirloin steak. Those options are not available on the Sparks peoples diet. Another option I feel Sparks in a miss is the ability to "scan" your foods.
Another diet I have been using is the Daily Burn. I found it as an iPhone app. It lets you use your phone as a label scanner and all you have to do is insert how many serving you ate. Daily Burn also tracks your exercise and suggests exercises to do for maximum benefit. Daily Burn also tracks weight and let's you view real time progress. It is for the most part a free app. It can be upgraded to a the Daily Burn Pro for 9.99. This gives you a 30 day subscription, from what I understand, to make the app more integrated with a desktop, gives you meal planning options, and more advanced exercises, progress reports and body tracking. For the mess I am now, the free app is good for me. I will more likely try the Pro once I get closer to my target weight and size. I will also be using my other apps like iMap my walk and iMap my run. I use iMap my Run when I'm skating.
As I said before, things are finally looking up. Now the weight is going down.
Stress is the biggest weight gainer, but that is another rant.
LO
VE
Christian
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
This is why
This is why I am the way I am.
For him to feel safe enough to sleep so peacefully and to show the world a true smile.
- Christian
For him to feel safe enough to sleep so peacefully and to show the world a true smile.
- Christian
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
In response to Yum Yucky's first ten pounds
Mine was also in 1998. May 24th 1998 to be exact.
This was the day life as I knew it died.
Rewind to 1989, Guns and Roses was all over the charts and NKOTB were all the rage. I was swimming in a friend of mine's pool. When her next door neighbor came over and introduced the "new" kid in school.
He was a tow headed crystal blue eyed.....me.
We were often told we were twins and we would make such a great couple.
But he was dating my "friend" T. Ok so we weren't friend. Deep down I really didn't like her, but you do what you gotta do to survive high school. Right? It also didn't help I went to another school completely from my "friends."
We remained close "secret" friends throughout high school. I dated a much older man. That didn't have much potential except that he was older then me.
Plus, Mike and I didn't wanna piss anyone off. I was just biding my time.
It was the fall of freshman year of college. I had developed quite the drinking habit. I was sobering up by walking around my neighborhood.
Now many of you all know my mom and dad. I didn't drink because of them. I drank because I truly hated who I was. I listened to everyone. I believed that I was worth nothing.
Yes. Mom and dad most of your liquor cabinet that you moved is water and food coloring.
I starved myself of food. I drank my daily calories. Then a red mustang pulled up beside me. I quickly jumped inside; because, it was Mike looking for me after I didn't answer the door when he would shimmy up the post of the balcony.
Wrong.
It was they other guys with same car. A guy I had no interest in. I acted like I was asleep. The little creep tried to stick his hand down my pants.
I punched him in the chest and jumped in the back. I yelled, "home Jeeves.". He tired to threaten me if I ever told anyone he would tell my mom and dad I was drinking all the time.
Next thing I knew the blanket was wrapping myself in was moving. I will never forget that pearly white crooked toothed smile and him "shhhhhhhh"ing me because he was hiding. His eyes were like ice. Crystal blue the kind movie stars have. We didn't go home that night I ending up talking to Mike at his friends apartment.
We dated for almost a year. Before I caught him cheating on me. He chased me after I left him. Yes, ladies, the nights you couldn't find him, he was at my house trying to get me back. Pregnant with another man's baby and all. You may have had him on your arm, but I had his heart.
FOUR years of chasing me, I gave him another chance. He followed me around whenever he was up here. He was constantly trying to make up for all the wrongs he did when he was younger.
Sal is the same type of man, but he was already grown when I met him.
Thank goodness for that because I would have left my ass a long time ago.
It was a moment of weakness on both our parts. I let him have a night out on the town with his buddies, and he over did it.
I still to this day don't know how the "accident" happened.
I was told he was murdered.
All I do know is he's gone. The accident happened on my son's third birthday. He didn't die until SIX days later in excruciating pain. He had a hemotomia on his brain. He had an eight and a half inch skull fracture. I stayed by his side for those six days. I cried the whole time. He woke up out of a medically induced coma and the first thing he mouthed to me was "I'm sorry.". He died that night. At 12:15am.
I was ready to be his wife. Even if I had to care for him in every capacity. I would have done it.
Even though this same man cheated on me, lied to me, and didn't get it" until he was on him deathbed-I was ready.
Five years went by so fast. I went from 115 to 212. All my "friends" left me because I was such a train wreck "I should just kill myself, and get it over with." Great "friends" right?
I'm still trying to find the "old" me. The stronger me. I was not loved by many. I still have the same values as the old me. Just a not so pretty package.
I hope to get there one day. That strong independent single parent against the grain of the world.
I just hope can accept the hands to help me this time around, so I don't fall so far if there is a next time.
- Christian
This was the day life as I knew it died.
Rewind to 1989, Guns and Roses was all over the charts and NKOTB were all the rage. I was swimming in a friend of mine's pool. When her next door neighbor came over and introduced the "new" kid in school.
He was a tow headed crystal blue eyed.....me.
We were often told we were twins and we would make such a great couple.
But he was dating my "friend" T. Ok so we weren't friend. Deep down I really didn't like her, but you do what you gotta do to survive high school. Right? It also didn't help I went to another school completely from my "friends."
We remained close "secret" friends throughout high school. I dated a much older man. That didn't have much potential except that he was older then me.
Plus, Mike and I didn't wanna piss anyone off. I was just biding my time.
It was the fall of freshman year of college. I had developed quite the drinking habit. I was sobering up by walking around my neighborhood.
Now many of you all know my mom and dad. I didn't drink because of them. I drank because I truly hated who I was. I listened to everyone. I believed that I was worth nothing.
Yes. Mom and dad most of your liquor cabinet that you moved is water and food coloring.
I starved myself of food. I drank my daily calories. Then a red mustang pulled up beside me. I quickly jumped inside; because, it was Mike looking for me after I didn't answer the door when he would shimmy up the post of the balcony.
Wrong.
It was they other guys with same car. A guy I had no interest in. I acted like I was asleep. The little creep tried to stick his hand down my pants.
I punched him in the chest and jumped in the back. I yelled, "home Jeeves.". He tired to threaten me if I ever told anyone he would tell my mom and dad I was drinking all the time.
Next thing I knew the blanket was wrapping myself in was moving. I will never forget that pearly white crooked toothed smile and him "shhhhhhhh"ing me because he was hiding. His eyes were like ice. Crystal blue the kind movie stars have. We didn't go home that night I ending up talking to Mike at his friends apartment.
We dated for almost a year. Before I caught him cheating on me. He chased me after I left him. Yes, ladies, the nights you couldn't find him, he was at my house trying to get me back. Pregnant with another man's baby and all. You may have had him on your arm, but I had his heart.
FOUR years of chasing me, I gave him another chance. He followed me around whenever he was up here. He was constantly trying to make up for all the wrongs he did when he was younger.
Sal is the same type of man, but he was already grown when I met him.
Thank goodness for that because I would have left my ass a long time ago.
It was a moment of weakness on both our parts. I let him have a night out on the town with his buddies, and he over did it.
I still to this day don't know how the "accident" happened.
I was told he was murdered.
All I do know is he's gone. The accident happened on my son's third birthday. He didn't die until SIX days later in excruciating pain. He had a hemotomia on his brain. He had an eight and a half inch skull fracture. I stayed by his side for those six days. I cried the whole time. He woke up out of a medically induced coma and the first thing he mouthed to me was "I'm sorry.". He died that night. At 12:15am.
I was ready to be his wife. Even if I had to care for him in every capacity. I would have done it.
Even though this same man cheated on me, lied to me, and didn't get it" until he was on him deathbed-I was ready.
Five years went by so fast. I went from 115 to 212. All my "friends" left me because I was such a train wreck "I should just kill myself, and get it over with." Great "friends" right?
I'm still trying to find the "old" me. The stronger me. I was not loved by many. I still have the same values as the old me. Just a not so pretty package.
I hope to get there one day. That strong independent single parent against the grain of the world.
I just hope can accept the hands to help me this time around, so I don't fall so far if there is a next time.
- Christian
Thing are looking up...
Why am I so down?
I have been "sick" for the better part of two years. Just when think I have this greased pig cornered, it slips right through my legs.
I seriously hate feeling this way.
I don't wanna to go through life with no answers, like I did for most of my life before, they recognized fibromyalgia.
- Christian
I have been "sick" for the better part of two years. Just when think I have this greased pig cornered, it slips right through my legs.
I seriously hate feeling this way.
I don't wanna to go through life with no answers, like I did for most of my life before, they recognized fibromyalgia.
- Christian
Today is the day
I'll be seeing if I'm going to be returning to the wonderful world of transport.
I have lots to do including picking up my driving record for the interview.
I am a good EMT. I still have lots to learn and experience is the only way to do it.
I have found out that stress has impacted a lot lately.
About the cancer thing, all preliminary reports are moving in the benign direction. But that cannot be confronts or denied until all report come back. I even have one of three CT SCANS that says it was never there to begin with. I'm gonna follow up still. I have to get back into physical therapy and get my doctor visits lined up.
Damn I just remembered and eight am meeting with the school.
I'll have to catch about round of sleep to be awake for that one.
Night all. I'll try to update the rest of today's events as they happen. You all know nothing goes as smooth as you want it to go.
- Christian
I have lots to do including picking up my driving record for the interview.
I am a good EMT. I still have lots to learn and experience is the only way to do it.
I have found out that stress has impacted a lot lately.
About the cancer thing, all preliminary reports are moving in the benign direction. But that cannot be confronts or denied until all report come back. I even have one of three CT SCANS that says it was never there to begin with. I'm gonna follow up still. I have to get back into physical therapy and get my doctor visits lined up.
Damn I just remembered and eight am meeting with the school.
I'll have to catch about round of sleep to be awake for that one.
Night all. I'll try to update the rest of today's events as they happen. You all know nothing goes as smooth as you want it to go.
- Christian
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