In response to Yum Yucky's first ten pounds

Mine was also in 1998. May 24th 1998 to be exact.

This was the day life as I knew it died.

Rewind to 1989, Guns and Roses was all over the charts and NKOTB were all the rage. I was swimming in a friend of mine's pool. When her next door neighbor came over and introduced the "new" kid in school.

He was a tow headed crystal blue eyed.....me.

We were often told we were twins and we would make such a great couple.

But he was dating my "friend" T. Ok so we weren't friend. Deep down I really didn't like her, but you do what you gotta do to survive high school. Right? It also didn't help I went to another school completely from my "friends."

We remained close "secret" friends throughout high school. I dated a much older man. That didn't have much potential except that he was older then me.

Plus, Mike and I didn't wanna piss anyone off. I was just biding my time.

It was the fall of freshman year of college. I had developed quite the drinking habit. I was sobering up by walking around my neighborhood.

Now many of you all know my mom and dad. I didn't drink because of them. I drank because I truly hated who I was. I listened to everyone. I believed that I was worth nothing.

Yes. Mom and dad most of your liquor cabinet that you moved is water and food coloring.

I starved myself of food. I drank my daily calories. Then a red mustang pulled up beside me. I quickly jumped inside; because, it was Mike looking for me after I didn't answer the door when he would shimmy up the post of the balcony.

Wrong.

It was they other guys with same car. A guy I had no interest in. I acted like I was asleep. The little creep tried to stick his hand down my pants.

I punched him in the chest and jumped in the back. I yelled, "home Jeeves.". He tired to threaten me if I ever told anyone he would tell my mom and dad I was drinking all the time.

Next thing I knew the blanket was wrapping myself in was moving. I will never forget that pearly white crooked toothed smile and him "shhhhhhhh"ing me because he was hiding. His eyes were like ice. Crystal blue the kind movie stars have. We didn't go home that night I ending up talking to Mike at his friends apartment.

We dated for almost a year. Before I caught him cheating on me. He chased me after I left him. Yes, ladies, the nights you couldn't find him, he was at my house trying to get me back. Pregnant with another man's baby and all. You may have had him on your arm, but I had his heart.

FOUR years of chasing me, I gave him another chance. He followed me around whenever he was up here. He was constantly trying to make up for all the wrongs he did when he was younger.

Sal is the same type of man, but he was already grown when I met him.

Thank goodness for that because I would have left my ass a long time ago.

It was a moment of weakness on both our parts. I let him have a night out on the town with his buddies, and he over did it.

I still to this day don't know how the "accident" happened.

I was told he was murdered.

All I do know is he's gone. The accident happened on my son's third birthday. He didn't die until SIX days later in excruciating pain. He had a hemotomia on his brain. He had an eight and a half inch skull fracture. I stayed by his side for those six days. I cried the whole time. He woke up out of a medically induced coma and the first thing he mouthed to me was "I'm sorry.". He died that night. At 12:15am.

I was ready to be his wife. Even if I had to care for him in every capacity. I would have done it.

Even though this same man cheated on me, lied to me, and didn't get it" until he was on him deathbed-I was ready.

Five years went by so fast. I went from 115 to 212. All my "friends" left me because I was such a train wreck "I should just kill myself, and get it over with." Great "friends" right?

I'm still trying to find the "old" me. The stronger me. I was not loved by many. I still have the same values as the old me. Just a not so pretty package.

I hope to get there one day. That strong independent single parent against the grain of the world.

I just hope can accept the hands to help me this time around, so I don't fall so far if there is a next time.

- Christian