I'm tired of waiting...

Hello.

I know it's been a long time since I wrote.

Right.

I have been going to a ton of doctors appointments lately.

I have not given up on my actual diet. I've actually been really good.

I'm down to 193.6 pounds. Yes, a long way away from 236.

A lot of the new drugs they have me on make me sleep all day, and I by the time I wake up the day is almost over. I have been good about making sure to stay active even when I don't make the gym's hours. In turn, all this sleeping and consistency is making it hard to do anything else. So it's been really hard to keep up with blogging, the taking pictures, and a social networking. I'm so sorry for this. Those items will be remedied soon.

Right now, I am tired of waiting on my husband. He says he wants also lose/weight get in-shape. He gives excuse after excuse on why he doesn't want to go. Excuse are like assholes; everyone has one and most of them stink.

I think, right now, I'm going to make sure that I get to the gym every morning. I'm going to be "that mom" who looks damn good with an overweight husband. I think jealousy is the best motive I can do right now to also get him into shape. He's a jealous guy, but not overbearing. I think when he see what I can accomplish he will follow. We were looking at old photos of me (and where I am now), and he had decided to cut out sugar again.

What's going to happen when I start looking hot? I'm sure he'll follow.

Below, is a message I sent to him today. I'm planning on coming back from the gym around 11. I'm sure it'll still be sleeping in bed by the time I get home. I'm tired of waiting for my husband. This time is for me.

I overslept...A little.

Today, I woke up at 5 PM.  I do not know why I slept so long.   Me waking up so late threw a  wrench in all of  my weekend plans.  I did however do my assignment.   I am working on trying to be a better person.  I started with positive status updates on my Facebook.   I try to complement everyone I see.   Tomorrow is helping my parents out for most the day, and then we will be going to a friends house to celebrate the holidays.  The gym will be opening in about an hour.  I plan on going.

  There is a lot of  "what if's" in my life right now.  I am still enrolled at  and out-of-state to  community college.  I have been in contact with another out-of-state community college.  It looks like that I will be graduating this time next year.   With all that is happen to me in the (last going on six years) a few years; I will be glad to resume to some normalcy my life.

In the next few months I will be rebuilding my body, my family, and my career.  Of course I will continue to blog this, but I do not think I be able to keep up with the every day daily excerpts.   I did wake up at 5 o'clock today, and here I sit 4 AM trying to catch up.   Although, the Internet does give me a chance to air my thoughts.  It is not always the best remedy for situation.   Sometimes just need to be able to have a two-way conversation with an adult.

 So I ask you my readers,  how do you deal with stress your lives?     Who are your biggest stressors?  When you let them get to you?  How do you relax?

LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Five question Friday

Completely stolen from: 

http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com/2012/12/five-question-friday-121412.html

Questions for Friday, December 7th:

1. If you bake during the holidays, what is your favorite thing to make?
 I love to bake.  I make everything from brownies, cookies,  pies, cheesecakes.  But the sad part is; I am a diabetic; and I can  eat any of them.  So,  a good majority of my baked goods are given to my friends and family.
 
2. Present giving: Gift bag vs wrapped box?

  That depends on what is and who it is for.    If the present is for an older child, I tend to use a wrapped box and duct tape.   I make sure every corner of every covered in duct tape.  Doing this creates about 30 minutes of entertainment; while the older child is trying to remove the duct tape the safest way possible.   They are tried to return the favor many times.   Only to watch me open the box easily; because, I have a knife or if the box open with my teeth.  If it is for a child that is under two years old; it is always wrapped in a gift bag.  Ah.  The joy of watching a toddler take each piece of tissue paper and play with the contents of the bag; while throwing the toy and/or gift to the side.   Again, simple amusement for the whole family to watch.
 
3. What do you keep your thermostat on during the winter/summer in your house?

  I am totally a cheapskate.  During winter, the thermostat is set to 62 degrees Fahrenheit.    during the summer months, we do not have central air.  So, I  only allow one window unit to run a time.   My family for some reason believes that the temperature fairy comes out, and pays our bill.  It is hard to make sure that we are using energy efficiently in this house; because,  I am surrounded by penises.  And not a good way,  like a gang bang porn.  I am the only vagina in this house.  Even the dogs and small animals have penises.  And you know for sure, they are not thinking what the top head.   Their instinct is to always remain comfortable.  One summer they made us also comfortable, I received an electric bill  of $575.39 for....... ONE MONTH!

 After that last bill I decided that I would be called  the keeper of the thermostat.  Even throughout the a heat wave over the summer, the highest our bill was $370.   I do not care if we were sweating worse than a whore in church over the summer.  I was able to maintain our budget at all costs. 


4. When thinking of your "Christmas to-do list" what percentage "done" are you?

  I am only 5% done my "Christmas to do"  List.  I got the tree up it should count for something.    I am hoping that lights and decorations will be on it tomorrow.  I hope with how Saddam before the end of the weekend.  Last year we waited for Christmas you to put everything up.   Let us just say the kids were really, really bad last year, and we are actually thinking of skipping Christmas.  

 

5,  Do you do the "Elf on a Shelf"? If so, is your Elf naughty and what shenanigans has he gotten into?
   
 Yes, we do the "elf on the shelf."  My husband got them as a joke for my teen son a few years back.  My son actually name to Mr. pillow pants. That was a reference to Kevin Smith's movie Clerks II.  Because, I would rather you watch all the yummy goodness of that movie I am not explain the meaning of Mr. pillow pants,  and why it is so funny.  See, in my house,  if you do not believe you do not receive.  I do not care if you are eight or 80 years old. Santa will always live my house.  Some of things we made this for Elf do last year,  is somewhat disturbing even by my  standards.   This year, of course,  we cannot do the things we did last year.   We have a very impressionable three-year-old.  So they share Mr. pillow pants not be hanging out the Barbie strip club,  drink in the beers in the fridge, or attempting a panty raid. Do not worry.  Mr. pillow pants of the ventures will be documented at the blog remaining days left before Christmas.  I will be reading the story tonight and his father will put him in a toddler appropriate situation.  That is one thing I love that my family, we have the best since humor.   Even if you do not have kids, the off on a shelf can be hours entertainment for your sick, sick mind.  Hell, kidnap your nephews or nieces Elf on the shelf, and holding for ransom.   Take a bunch of instagrams  of Dorothy or Rocky whatever the hell your nieces and nephew named it.   Taking the places that that thing will never see until the child turns 15 years old.  Have fun.  Laugh, and have the best freaking Christmas or holiday......or Hanukkah......or whatever the hell you worship .......Kwanzaa.......Yule.  You have one turn to this life.......make it count.

LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Today's assignment

This in a new app I have been using. I am not at my computer right now, but when I can sit down I'll put link to the apple store so you may download it, too.

It's time for bed now. I will update what I did to accomplish this assignment.

The app can be found here:

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/transform-your-life-year-awareness/id381788004?mt=8

I don't know where to find it in other markets.

UPDATE:  I miss PT today.  My knee was still hurting.   When I called to cancel my appointment, my therapist (who is very passive aggressive) threatened me that if I did not come in she was going to write my chart that I was non-compliant.

  So let me get this straight.  I went to your facility for treatment.  I was injured during the routine that you set up for me.  I am hurt and I do not feel like coming back today.  So, you are to threaten me for being non-compliant, with my compliance was a thing that got me hurt.

Hmmmmm.

  So, yes. I did stand up for myself. I expressed myself at time I would normally withdrawn.   I told that bitch off.  I told her that I was advocating myself; because, I was injured. I did not feel I coming in today. I felt that if I were to come back in and do the routine for a third day.   The injury was just getting it worst.  I will be looking for a  a new orthopedic doctor and PT therapists very soon.

  I could not believe how long I stayed on that same with that woman without cursing at her.  I   Did good for myself.  I finally told someone... NO!

 It felt good.  I will live with the consequences whatever they may be.

@scribbles412

I didn't forget.

My son went to bed really late today. I get to workout today either because everything came crashing down.

Today at PT I hurt my knee again. I'm feeling like I'm lost. I just want someone to help me. Someone who is strong right now. Someone to tell the doctors, "No. She is hurt. She can't push herself anymore."

I missed yet another week with the counselor, and Chiro; because I need help getting my schedule together. Plus, I have to fight for the rights of my autistic son.

The school wants to schedule his IEP. A legal document that dictates how my son's education should be addressed. So far, he can barely read and his handwriting is horrible. He cannot fill out a job application. He has not handed in homework since 6th grade. Yet, the school has him graduating this year.

I have to get on top of this. I have to get my life organized. I am so tired of fighting. I have even thought of cutting or drinking again. Instead I got a memorial tattoo for Simon.

Simon was my dog that got me through my worst years. One night, I was making plans to possibly end my life. I had just finished the note. Placed it on my night stand besides the bed.

I grabbed my pills and paused.

Tears were coming in buckets.

I was just out of my teen years. A single parent, who was in a wheelchair due to drunk driver. I was told earlier that day there was a possibility I would not walk properly again.

My body was fighting against me. I was in extreme pain. I just pushed a baby out of my lower half, but this pain was worst, much worst. I lost my long-term boyfriend due to the accident. I felt so alone.

I had adopted Simon shortly after the accident. I had lost so much; I just needed someone to love me unconditionally. My son was too young to talk to, plus I did not want to every tell him mommy was not the strong woman he always saw.

Simon was an abuse case. Everyone told me it would take forever to get him to trust me. Simon lived in the laundry room. It was the only room that mimicked the size of his pen at the shelter. He felt safe there; so I didn't force him to come out when he didn't want to. He was also at the shelter for 18 months. All he knew was that pen.

I paused.

I took a moment to reflect on what I was about to do.

I really thought there was no way out. I thought I would never be happy again. When someone is this state of mind; they feel trapped; like there is no solution to the problem. I rationalized that my son was too young to remember me. He would be better off with my parents anyway. I thought what child would want a defective parent.

I started to weep. I wanted to scream out, but I just silently sobbed. Held the scream in. Muffled the sobs so no one would disturb me.

As I opened my eyes, I saw this scared cowering dog looking back at me. His soulful brown eyes looked deep into my soul. I had that little voice inside me say, "but I NEED you." Simon then put his paw on my foot.

The emotions broke loose. I put the pills back in the bottle, closed it, and threw the bottle in my closet. I laid down, and Simon jumped in bed beside me. He put his body next to mind, and his head on my stomach. He licked my hand, and then drifted to sleep.

Simon went with me everywhere from then on. Simon lived to swim. He rehabbed with me. He pushed me. I don't think I would have gotten thought this injury without him. I am forever in his debt.

Before I get hate mail; Simon made me a better parent. His constant pushing to get me walking again and his everlasting desire to play gave me the motivation to include my son in every aspect of my life.

On 12/12/12, I got this:


It's Simon's paw print. In the exact same spot he would put it to encourage me. Every time I paused his paw was always there.

Now with this latest speed bump in my life; I think it was more than time to memorialize this awesome animal.

I love you and miss you, Simon. Even though you are gone; you encourage me every day to get out, enjoy life, and stand my ground.

Rest in Paradise.

Simon 1994-2011

@scribbles412
The lazy housewife.

Rest in peace Simon 1994 to 2011

 I had to put my dog down about two years ago. 

I was blessed enough to have this dog for 16 years.  

His name was Simon. 

He help me out during some really dark times.  I suffer from PTSD.  I got this dog, as a companion dog, after the death of my fiancée.   

Simon and I were inseparable.

Simon would go to me virtually anywhere he was allowed to go. 

Today, I decided to memorialize Simon by getting a tattoo on my foot.  

When Simon I would go on our  adventures, whenever I would stop Simon would place his left paw on top of my right foot. I think he did it to show me that he would always be there.   Kind a like a mother touching a child to reassure them that everything was going to be all right.  It was a loving touch.  I believe he is trying to say no matter what I am here with you.

Simon, I love, and miss you, so very much.  Little bit of pain that I suffered 45 minutes to have you permanently in my life;  does not even start to pay back all you have done for me.

I miss you boy.

LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Sick Puppies - Maybe

 this song is exactly where I am right now.  I am so disappointed in myself; For not believing in myself.  It is time to change.    Or I will be leaving everyone behind much earlier than when I thought.

LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Last time

You have probably figured out by now, I am getting very busy.  

There has been a lot of stuff going on lately. 

I was recently in a car accident.  

Now, if you have never been in a car accident you need to know that the treatment for an accident is more like a second job.   On top of my mom job, my house wife job, and being a student, this was just another unnecessary burden and/or obstacle to be put on me.

I should have waited until I was in a better place to try to start blog up again.  

Right now I am in my sixth day of the 12 days Christmas fitness initiative.  This program is that my local YMCA, and I am actually keeping on schedule.  I am making a promise to myself and everyone with this blog that I will sit down every night and reflect on my day.

  This will be my final restart.  Dieting is not easy at all.  I have started diet plans.  I have failed at diet plans. I have broken promises that was sure I could keep.

  I have ever 30 years of bad habits to break.  It  is not going to come overnight.  This is a life change that I have to do.  I do if my children, my husband, and the computer it depends on me.  Every night I plan to sit down, and reflect on my day.  If I fail this last time;  I will delete this blog.  I want to show you how someone can develop 30 years of bad habits, and turn around to be healthy and happy.  This will be my last restart.  It is time to change.


LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Influencer.com

Found this great site:


let's see how it goes. Plus, If you missed me, I missed me, too.  I'll be back. I can say why I have been gone so long, but I'm happy to be back.

If you would like an invite, just ask.

LO
VE
The Lazy Housewife
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Back on pointe

There is one good thing about my situation. I have plenty of time to plan.

I found this Tumblr account that goes by backonpointe. I would recommend it for anyone. It is mostly a dancer's page, bur It's has a ton of motivational meme and exercise routines.

I have not been giving the blessing to do these exercises on land, but I am able to do them in the water.

As far as my exercise routines, I have not even gotten off the pot. In my defense I have had a lot of doctor's appointments with Thanksgiving next week. I will be scheduling in the gym much like my doctor appointments.

I neglected to do this simple routine. Which is what my other plans have failed.

Well, today is a different day.

Let's hope I can love myself enough to get myself healthier.

Healthy or bust

I know this blog has made many attempts to start a diet.

There is a reason the word die is in diet.

All the fad diets I have tried all failed me or I failed them. Their goals were to ambitious to obtain. The diets I have tried either didn't work with my lifestyle, my diet concerns, or the goal were simply not realistic for me.

What I have found out over he period of my absence is I'm now a diabetic, who is allergic to wheat and gluten, with diverticulitis.

So now it's not about my vanity anymore. My restart will be my last attempt to change my life. I am doing this so I can be here with my kids. I cannot fail this time.

I will be using this space to organize routines, tell you about my follow-ups to old illnesses and the rest of the adventurous journey of a lazy housewife.

So, if you have been reading all along. THANK YOU.

I hope this is my last restart.

@scribbles412

Dr. OZ

Normally I would say to steer clear of these kind of shows, BUT Jennifer Hudson was on.  She presents herself with grace. One thing she did say was "I let myself have bad days." Nothing can ring truer.

I am an emotional eater. I have a very big oral fixation.  I think it was past down to me from my mother and grandmother. Both were smokers and nail biters.  Of course, I'm a nail biter. I tried smoking, but it never settled on me. I can constantly touching my mouth.  Sometimes I go as far as just feeling my tongue.
I feel that a lot of eating disorder is directly related to stress. Once my stress is managed; I stop biting my nails, My hair starts getting thicker, and I lose a ton of weight.

I saw 156 in 2009 shortly after I had the baby. Then we had a wave of bad luck ranging for a death in the family to a cancer scare. I was so depressed. I didn't move from the bed.  I would; however; take care of my children, but I forsaken myself.

Today, my daily stressors include my job (I am in a high paced, stressful job), my finances (I don't see a way out), my health, and FACEBOOK. There has been a articles that I have read that suggests Facebook is highly stressful. Its true.  I get on Facebook and find out all the guys from the firehouse have "disconnected" our friendship.  I wonder what I DID WRONG. You know what I did.  I went up the chain of command and brought to light a situation of hostile work environment, sexual harassment, and slander and liable.  I could have just informed everyone with a court order, but I tried to handle everything internally. Them disconnecting from me really hurt me.  I seriously called them all my brothers.  Yes, I did get hurt a lot. These were people I called brother. These people I trusted with my life, and they can turn on me that easily. Well guys as of today:

I am one missed payment away from losing my house.
My husband has lost his job.
I am now working 4 jobs.
My health is getting worst with all the new stress.
I can barely make ends meet.

SO......

I just wanted a little relief from their bullshit.

So I'll let myself have a few bad days. I will try not to dwell on you petty people.



LO
VE
Christian

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Day one, again.

I'm going back to roller derby as of Thursday. I was a better firefighter; a better EMT; and a MUCH better mother when I played. Roller Derby also gives our family something to work towards. I am lucky enough to have 3 men to love and support me. We all participate in my derby. I play, they cheer. My son loves making posters, doing appearances, and even signing a few autographs.

Instead of eating my worries; I will be beating the crap out of myself (and a few close friends).

Follow me on fitocracy.com and myfitnesspal.com

My user name is scribbles412.

If I can't kick start it this time. I give up. I will just take what left of my broken life.


@scribbles412

Survival of the fittest

A lot of stuff been happening in my house.

I was doing really well. Dug ourselves out of debt. We were finally able to save a little bit. We went to convention. Hell, I even hit the 180's with my diet and exercise.

Today, I finally got assistance with healthcare. Now, I'm worried about the mortgage.

My husband after six years has lost his job. I guess I put too much faith that he would be a provider. It's been four weeks since he lost it.

I have been working a lot. I'm doing 56 hours a week with one job, and 36 with the other. I was hospitalized for exhaustion last Sunday. My body finally failed me. It started with shin splints; Then leg cramps; and it ended in a mild heart attack.

I am very tired.

I can't sleep.

My life is a train wreck.

We are waiting to see if my husband could possibly be eligible for unemployment. He has applied a few places, but nothing has happened, yet. I have another interview tomorrow. I'm hoping for this one. It could save our house, and quite possibly our marriage.

I love my husband, but I have to protect my boys. He needs to get more proactive. I cannot have him acting like he's on vacation.

The day he came home told me he lost his job. I got up; updated my resume; and got hired at three different places.

He, on the other hand, went to careerbuilder and put in a couple of resumes. He just not worried where we will be in the upcoming months.

Me?

I'm planning for survival.

Day one.

Of course, I'm not follow through with my promise.

Here I am at midnight again. I'm exhausted, and watching the bad girls club reunion. I have to be at work tomorrow at eight am. If I go to sleep now I still won't be holding myself to the promise I set for myself.

I promise myself to:
Get 8 hours of sleep a night.
Eat healthier.
Get my family more active.
Exercise at least 20 minutes a day.

Wish me luck. I'm going to need every ounce.

Let's try this again.

Just like many diets, I have failed again. I have tried to do a couple of things at once. The fad diets have got me up to 191.3. I was just 140lbs in 2009. Then last year, I did get down to 165lbs.

With me quitting roller derby, my health issues, and these fad diets; I have thrown all my routines down the drain.

I have got to do something. I have a before and after photo. The left-side of the picture is my post roller derby body. The picture on the left was taken tonight.

I am not happy with what I have become. I have stressor to the left and right of me. My husband was in a serious car accident, I had an abnormal blood test, now my husband has lost his job. We are not homeless, yet. My mind has stopped thinking all together. I am just going through the paces.

I wish we could just catch a break. Well, I can't control everything in my life. But, I CAN control what I do.

I'm going to try this again. They say exercise relieves stress. I will make it a point to log my days.

I will be using:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/scribbles412

http://www.fitocracy.com/scribbles412

http://www.sparkspeople/scribbles412

Please, follow me! Encourage me! I need all the help I can get.

Well tomorrow will be the start of a new day.

Sunday Sunday Sunday

Sunday will be the end of my 40 days of activity.

I did do at least something everyday. I could have done so much more. I think I just may do another 40 days, and give it the chance I should have had.

I will regain my old confidence.

I will be at least a size 8. I am shooting for a size 6.

Thanks for all the love and support.

Wordless Wednesday

Loco? Maybe a bit.

I feel freaking awesome. I just did an hour of Zumba and 68 minutes of water aerobics.

I'm exhausted.

I'm very tired.

And what is the one thing I am craving is Red Robin.

Yum.

I'm going to try to be good. Maybe a light salad. I may have a couple steak fries. I can't waste what I just did with mayonnaise and everything else.

Sigh.

What a night.

Day Nine

So, Laura the Great on Twitter, came up with the greatest idea ever! 40 days of fitness during lent!.  Ok. I'm not a follower of organized religion. But I think she is on to something here!.  I am up to day nine.  I may have forgot to log everything in my fitness pal and sparks people, but I have been doing something every day.

LO
VE
Christian

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw

Sarcasm and toddlers

Just in case you don't know. Sarcasm and toddlers don't mix.

My husband is sore from an auto accident. The baby is being his normal curious self. I'm in the kitchen cooking dinner.

I overhear Ginni saying to snoogerbear, "Thanks, C. That just more for me to cleaning up while I'm hurting.

Snoogerbear's response?

"You're welcome, Daddy!"

A roaring laughter came from the kitchen. Like the piper, my husband comes in looking defeated; because, the toddler has outwitted him again.

My response? "At least he used his manners."

Ginni returned to the living room once again defeated.


@scribbles412

Today was exciting.

When my husband works overnights. He normally comes home about 8:30ish. Sometimes he even locks himself out the house the night before.

He pounds on the door, which doesn't make me too happy when the baby kept me up earlier in the morning.

Bang.

Bang.

Bang.

The dogs are barking their heads off. I'm pissed. One, I was sleeping really well (I even turned off the scanner and pager). Two, it was still dark in the house.

Both of the above don't mix well.

Here I am jumping over the dogs like the hurdles in the Olympics. Stepping in the laundry basket (the teen forgot at the top of the stairs, again). Taking a ride down, only to be stopped by the toy box at the end.

Now, I'm PISSED.

Fist and jaw clenched I swing open the door; ready to unleash my fury on my forgetful husband for not take his key.

But it wasn't my husband. It was my mom.

Confused I look at her. She is breathless. She just starts talking very, very fast. Puggs was is an accident...rollover...totaled the car...airbags...seatbelt failed...flipped.

I knew actually what accident she was talking about. Even though I turned off the scanner and the pager, my phone receives text messages.

I heard the siren blast. I looked at my phone more for the time, then what the call was. I couldn't go anyway: I had the baby with no sitter. Page stated three trapped.

I threw the phone back on the table and grumbled idiots in the rain.

What I didn't know: I was MY idiot. I was in a daze. I got dressed in record speed. I got the baby dressed, too.

My mother refuses to come in my house because I have a "pitbull." I handed her the baby. She informed me she didn't have a seat. So I put the baby in the van.

My first phone call was to my station. I only asked for the mechanism of injury (MOI). I didn't want my station to violate HIPPA. I was told it was not too bad. I told them to forward me the pictures.

It was a 40 MPH impact.

High mechanism.

Oh shit.

I call him. He asks me when I am. I tell him 5 minutes from the hospital. He then floors me. Good, pick me up at the ER patient drop off. I'm done.

Wait.

What?!?!

The picture were very scary. I was more worried about him than anything.

Cars can be replaced.

Wounds heal.

But I know too well when someone time is up, you NEVER can get them back.

My time off to rest is now going to be chauffeuring him around to doctors appointment to see why this happened.

I'm grateful my fire company for such a great response.
@scribbles412

ITis so hard.

No one told me changing bad habits was going to be this hard.



Here I am; sitting next to my youngest, while he's eating McDonalds. At least, the cleanliness of the actual food court is helping to curb my appetite.

Now, go ahead and look at the floor. I know you are dying to look. Go ahead; I'll wait

Ugh right. Restaurant floor are disgusting. Plus, you have one person wiping up after the hundred of people eating.

Back to what I was saying. So I was trying distract myself.

That slim fast shake was good. I really don't have any hunger pains, just my brain is saying you can have just one.

How do you break habits?

Control those burned in temptations?




I have to get out of this food court!
@scribbles412

You know it's going to be a good day;

When the baby wakes you up saying: punch him!

Or this punctures the arch of your foot...



@scribbles412

I swear I'm still here.

I have a bunch of WIP blog post. It's just I have been so busy. I'm full time: school, family, and volunteer.

Plus, since I've taken up swimming my iPhone doesn't like that so much. I even tried to sit down to dinner last night without my phone. Don't worry all the text messages, alert, emails kept me from forget it was there.


@scribbles412

I did Zumba and survived.

Lol. Seriously, I started the class. I was sweating and looked up and it was 45 minutes later. What a fun class. Next one is 8 am tomorrow.


@scribbles412

Challenge accepted.

My husband thinks the only reason I call him every time; is to yell at him.

I am really calling him to ask him something; because he's normally the last person to touch something that I need.

He is always getting defensive with me.

Truly, deep-down I was call him to ask him where he last saw the object I am looking for.

Normally, its something urgent.

Like tonight when the baby decided to "free" his goldfish crackers in the fish tank.

I'm still hoping beyond all hope they will pull out of this one.
Hell, they survived the "cooking oil incident." Yes, we has our on little BP tragedy; except it was Wesson, but no less a pain the ass to clean up.

Back to the one of the other two "adult" males on my life.

He immediately raises his voice, and starts to yell at me. All I am asking him is did you remember where you put (blank); Because, he was last to touch it.

It's always "No. Chris, I have not seen it; touch it; or even has it in my possession."

Now, I'm not asking him of he cheating on me, hiding money, or spanking off to porn. I'm just asking him for a stupid piece of plastic to "vacuum" out the fish tank. That phone call had no need to deserve a screaming match.

I reserve them for the bigger arguments.

The whole ordeal had me asking the teen to watch the sick baby, so I can run to Walmart in my house coat to go on a fishy life saving mission.

When I got back the phone rings agains.

It's my husband on the other end of the phone.

This time all I said was "hello."

Right off the bat, he screaming.

He won't let me get a word in.

The argument had BEEN over.

So I finally told him to shut up. It's been four years of this crap. Him screaming at me will not happen anymore. I told him I was done trying to speak to him like an adult.

Nanny, nanny, boo-boo stick your head in doo-doo.

I'm not speaking to you anymore.

Challenge accepted.

Let see how long I can go without saying a word or until he cracks an apologizes.

Phone is ringing again.

Let the game begin.

40 days

So I got this really great idea today. It was from other person on Twitter.

I haven't done anything for lent since I was in grade school. But I think this would really good for me. It a quest for 40 days of at least 40 minutes of exercise, while listening to inspirational music.

I'm hoping that this will have a positive change my personality and everything that I have been having issues with lately.

I'm Not going to p*ssy about. I'm also going to do 40 days of mediation. Because I really don't follow organized religion. I'm also going to do yoga classes along with this challenge. It is a little bit more then what the original challenge was, but I hope if it all works-out it well all worth it.

Again.

If you have my phone number. Text me. Call me. Bust my ass to stay on track.

Friend me on www.myfitnesspal.com. I'm using www.sparkspeople.com for meals plans. I'm scribbles412. If you see fast food on the list, get on me. I need your help!

I'm currently 192.3. It's the highest I've been since my bouncer days at 27 years old(2003).

It's time for a change. If not, this lifestyle is going to KILL ME.


@scribbles412

For some reason

For some reason, unknown to me I have not been losing pounds but inches. My clothes are getting looser.

The only thing I have done consistently is swim with the baby. Every Monday, I swim besides him during swimming lesson. It's a solid 45 minutes of swimming. I have been looking into trying to build my core after the accident in May 2010.

I have been reading all kinds of fitness magazines. I'm getting amped to start training again. I'm going to start slow at first, but bear with me.

Today will me walking and swimming. I will be using www.myfitnesspal.com and www.mapmyfitness.com. My email is scribbles412@yahoo.com if you want to friend me. Or send notes of encouragement.

Thank you all for hanging in there with me.

Vlog is in the works too.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wordless Wednesday

It's been a while.

I started a new semi-sedimentary job. More lumps have popped up. One on the back of my neck.

I will be returning to the doctors. I will be blogging the crap out of all this. I hope you will all be proactive about being healthy.

Little swimmer boy

I'm not doing this change of life alone. Chase and I signed up for swimming lessons. I even changed my schedule around so I could have this time with the baby.

If you follow me on fitness pal, you should see a lot of swimming in my timeline.

I want to be part of the state rescue dive team and confined space team.

What does that mean?

I GOT TO GET FIT!

It's not about my ego. It's not about the body image at all. I have to make sure I'm in top condition for the safety of the people I'm going to serve.

So now that I have actually paid money for the lessons. My youngest and I have an activity to keep us on track.

He did extremely well. The teacher was actually really surprised he did so well for his age. Plus, it gives me of a reason to get my butt up off this bed.

I burned almost 300 calories just treading water by him. I didn't even break a sweat.

Lol. See....I was in the water... Ah nevermind.

I was actually sore after. I will be going to the gym tomorrow. Laps. Let's do this.

Forgive me for I have sinned

I had McDonalds today, but bear with me. I'm at work. I have the baby in tow. We have back to back meetings all day long.

I need to clean up my cooler, and start packing it with all kinds of healthy things. Hopefully after this doctors. Visit I can make it over to the supermarket and get some veggies.

Ugh that reminds me I have to clean out the fridge.

I did it.

I went to the gym today and 1 hour 40 minutes later I felt great.

I even think I'm under my calorie Count.

Now I'm not really using any diet plan as of yet. I'm using myfitnespal and sparkspeople.com. I will be following their diet plans on thursday, when we get paid an I can by the foods. My email is scribbles412@yahoo.com if you want to friend me on fitness pal. Or scribbles412 on sparks people. Friend me. I need all I the help I can get.

He is killing himself.

What truly bothers me is people who say "oh if I only have more time."

Well right now my husband has high blood pressure and high cholesterol. His sleep doctor said that he would die asleep if he doesn't lose weight.

But yet every time I try to get him to go to the gym with me he make every excuse imaginable. Today was he can't today because he wants clean the house. He sat on the couch, and try to clean the house these past two weeks.

Please try and look at it my way. The house always be there. His health will not ever stay the same. He slowly killing himself with Mountain Dew and cheeseburgers. He need to see he will not be there for his children, if he keeps his bad habits.

I'm tired of dragging him along. I trying to get him involved in exercise classes. Just to hear him bitch, and complain. I want to go to the gym everyday. I'm taking the baby with me from now on at least he will have one of his parents to rely on. When I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, I change EVERYTHING for the baby. He simply doesn't care. If he wants to sit and feel sorry for himself, do nothing-bur watch TV, and stuff himself with nastiest food. Go ahead I don't f*cking care anymore. Just don't even tell me that your back hurts. Don't tell me you didn't sleep very well. And lastly, don't tell me your hungry because I starting to make sure I'm going to live as long as I can for my kids. I'm sorry if my meals will no longer fit in your beef, potatoes and pizza catalogs.

I don't f*cking care anymore.

If you would like to tell him much or and idiot he is he's @mustangginni on Twitter.

It started innocently.

I asked the baby if he wanted to go to the YMCA.

I'm starting off slow.

At noon, I plan on doing my water exercise class. A nice warm up before I walk or get on the elliptical machine at a slow pace.

I am so sore.

It I getting harder and harder to get out of bed. Some thing is wrong. Once we start working again; I will be going back to the doctor to supervise my weight lose. I've tried to do it on my own and I just ain't cutting it.

Maybe we can figure out why I only eat 1500 calories a day, but still have high sugars; plus, more and more weight just adding on to my small frame.

By golly I think I found the problem.

I was doing really good today. I swear I was. Then I faced some major stress.

I went for comfort food. I got a small DQ blizzard. I was under my calorie intake, but it still wasn't the healthy choice I hoped to start my year off.

As I told my husband, I was found myself grabbing all kinds of snack foods an stuffing them in my mouth. I once smoked, and at one time I sucked my thumb. I have an oral fixation. It wasn't until I sat down to add my blizzard to my fitness pal, when I realized how much I actually veered off of the promise I made myself.

I hope I can fix this.