Rantings of a boring person.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 26, 2010
2011
To do:
Register for school
Lose weight
Join the YMCA-goes with the weight thing
Go back to volunteering.
Work on Slumber Parties
Work on Sal and I's photography
Get organized
Work on house
Work on back yard.
Be a better neighbor.
Rediscover roller derby.
Pay down bills-hopefully debt free in 2012.
Repair credit.
Set up new blog site to separate resolutions and life and lazy housewife journey.- yes I will post the new site. Lazy housewife journey will return to diet only. Lazy housewife will have a ranting site.
Yes.
It seems a bit selfish but I have to do it. I gave everything to everyone else for the last three years. As I change my habits and vices I'm sure I can become a better person.
Remember to check out EMT IS ME-my job and volunteering with the fire service,
S8s- life on eights-my return to derby,
healthy journey of a lazy housewife-me trying diets and attempts to get fit.
And my new housewife blog-TBA
- Christian
Register for school
Lose weight
Join the YMCA-goes with the weight thing
Go back to volunteering.
Work on Slumber Parties
Work on Sal and I's photography
Get organized
Work on house
Work on back yard.
Be a better neighbor.
Rediscover roller derby.
Pay down bills-hopefully debt free in 2012.
Repair credit.
Set up new blog site to separate resolutions and life and lazy housewife journey.- yes I will post the new site. Lazy housewife journey will return to diet only. Lazy housewife will have a ranting site.
Yes.
It seems a bit selfish but I have to do it. I gave everything to everyone else for the last three years. As I change my habits and vices I'm sure I can become a better person.
Remember to check out EMT IS ME-my job and volunteering with the fire service,
S8s- life on eights-my return to derby,
healthy journey of a lazy housewife-me trying diets and attempts to get fit.
And my new housewife blog-TBA
- Christian
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Why
This argument has been going on for two almost three years now.
The man I married is gone. When we were dating he showered me with love and attention. He made sure I was content.
I don't know where that man when. I have a self centered, procrastinating man now. What finally broke my back was last night.
My gifts are in the mail because he was too self absorber in HIS schedule to get them earlier.
He keeps saying he didn't have the time or money. He had a week off every month. I took him to stores and pointed out the stuff I wanted. There was an excuse EVERY TIME as to why he couldn't stay in the store. He ignored everything I said.
The only thing I didn't do is grab him by the ear and shove it in his face.
Recently I received a settlement. I have spent a total of $75 on myself with that money. It almost all but gone.
I wanna pout today. Earlier this month. I helped to save my neighbors from a fire. I sacrificed my health, time and job for our child. I sacrificed roller derby for a medical issue. I sacrificed firefighting for cancer.
The one day I was looking for my feeling to be validated I got jack shit. Like my birthday, Mother's day and Valentine's before it.
When will I ever learn?
- Christian
The man I married is gone. When we were dating he showered me with love and attention. He made sure I was content.
I don't know where that man when. I have a self centered, procrastinating man now. What finally broke my back was last night.
My gifts are in the mail because he was too self absorber in HIS schedule to get them earlier.
He keeps saying he didn't have the time or money. He had a week off every month. I took him to stores and pointed out the stuff I wanted. There was an excuse EVERY TIME as to why he couldn't stay in the store. He ignored everything I said.
The only thing I didn't do is grab him by the ear and shove it in his face.
Recently I received a settlement. I have spent a total of $75 on myself with that money. It almost all but gone.
I wanna pout today. Earlier this month. I helped to save my neighbors from a fire. I sacrificed my health, time and job for our child. I sacrificed roller derby for a medical issue. I sacrificed firefighting for cancer.
The one day I was looking for my feeling to be validated I got jack shit. Like my birthday, Mother's day and Valentine's before it.
When will I ever learn?
- Christian
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Coincidence
Dr feelgood plays on the radio whenever I'm leaving to go to my pain management doc.
- Christian
- Christian
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Getting back on track.
I just realized it's the 15th of December. The last thing I remember is Halloween. Where did the time go?
I realized something was wrong a week before Halloween. My feelings were confirmed a week after Halloween. Now I'm at a stand still.
I got one report back that the tumor is gone. Like a Christmas miracle it simply disappeared.
Then why am I so depressed.
I sleep til noon and don't have the energy to do anything. Before anyone starts to worry able the baby, he is well taken care of. If it wasn't for him I would most likely not leave the bed at all.
He's growing up too fast. He tells me he's hungry, thirsty and when he needs something.
Tomorrow my kids are getting their mommy back. With nine days left before Christmas, I'm going to attempt to organize this house and finish Christmas shopping.
I heard of shift work syndrome and I may explore and blog about it more.
I normally become super depressed when my husband is on his quick turn around shifts. Four on, three off, three on, one off, four on. It seems like my husband isn't even a part if this family. He just comes to sleep and eat.
Everything becomes a priority and Everything is "dumped" on me.
Now is the time to stop it all. I know it's coming every month.
But I hate to cut this short. The baby just woke up and wants to play.
- Christian
I realized something was wrong a week before Halloween. My feelings were confirmed a week after Halloween. Now I'm at a stand still.
I got one report back that the tumor is gone. Like a Christmas miracle it simply disappeared.
Then why am I so depressed.
I sleep til noon and don't have the energy to do anything. Before anyone starts to worry able the baby, he is well taken care of. If it wasn't for him I would most likely not leave the bed at all.
He's growing up too fast. He tells me he's hungry, thirsty and when he needs something.
Tomorrow my kids are getting their mommy back. With nine days left before Christmas, I'm going to attempt to organize this house and finish Christmas shopping.
I heard of shift work syndrome and I may explore and blog about it more.
I normally become super depressed when my husband is on his quick turn around shifts. Four on, three off, three on, one off, four on. It seems like my husband isn't even a part if this family. He just comes to sleep and eat.
Everything becomes a priority and Everything is "dumped" on me.
Now is the time to stop it all. I know it's coming every month.
But I hate to cut this short. The baby just woke up and wants to play.
- Christian
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Maybe not such a good idea
Ok. Today, I gave my donation at the lab, so I can start my new job coming up down south.
I can't believe how much this cancer thing has actually effected my day to day living. I am so backed up right now with house work, school things and doctors appointments I don't think I'm ever going to catch up.
Well.
Since with this new job I maybe running calls both emergency and 10-96. I showed my face, and my doctors release, at my other volunteer fire company and picked up a couple of calls.
I love being a part of a volunteer fire company. They pay for my education, and I give back time. Plus, doing the runs sharpens my skills to use later in my daily job.
Well, last night we got an assault. PD was on scene.
Scene safe. BSI.
We walk in to an "alternative lifestyles" party.
No big deal. My other job is direct sale for romance enhancements. My partner was a country boy. His eyes were bugging out. Me, on the other hand, was ok with the situation.
The lights were on in the banquet room when we first arrived. Glitter covered everything. Our patient was on a bench at the door, with a small puncture wound to the scalp. The club asked us it they could resume the party. I believed it was alright, if it was cleared with the officers. I had seen the wound. I flushed it with saline and was applying direct pressure. I sent my partner for the stretcher and board.
There was enough light to safely board and collar this patient in the front. Plus, I sympathized with club owner. Time is money, and patrons were leaving.
Remember. I did say scene safe. BSI.
Most of my colleague laugh at me; because, my gloves are on before I even get out of the front I wear them up to transfer of care.
Well.
When those lights turned off, black lights came on.
Proteins glow in black lights. Proteins would most be bodily fluids.
That couch was a glowing with small splatter marks an what looked like down under creases (ladies remember this).
This couch was PRETTY POPULAR.
I must have had a look on my face; because, my patient thought I "found" something bad with their head wound. Truth is there was a splatter mark right next to their ear.
I collared my patient, and load them on to the backboard.
I placed them on the stretcher with O2, and took off.
By the way, that box was is bypass for a hour so I decontaminate myself.
I am so glad I'm not the clubbing age anymore.
I'll ALWAYS remember the first critical fail.
SCENE SAFE.
BSI.
- Christian
I can't believe how much this cancer thing has actually effected my day to day living. I am so backed up right now with house work, school things and doctors appointments I don't think I'm ever going to catch up.
Well.
Since with this new job I maybe running calls both emergency and 10-96. I showed my face, and my doctors release, at my other volunteer fire company and picked up a couple of calls.
I love being a part of a volunteer fire company. They pay for my education, and I give back time. Plus, doing the runs sharpens my skills to use later in my daily job.
Well, last night we got an assault. PD was on scene.
Scene safe. BSI.
We walk in to an "alternative lifestyles" party.
No big deal. My other job is direct sale for romance enhancements. My partner was a country boy. His eyes were bugging out. Me, on the other hand, was ok with the situation.
The lights were on in the banquet room when we first arrived. Glitter covered everything. Our patient was on a bench at the door, with a small puncture wound to the scalp. The club asked us it they could resume the party. I believed it was alright, if it was cleared with the officers. I had seen the wound. I flushed it with saline and was applying direct pressure. I sent my partner for the stretcher and board.
There was enough light to safely board and collar this patient in the front. Plus, I sympathized with club owner. Time is money, and patrons were leaving.
Remember. I did say scene safe. BSI.
Most of my colleague laugh at me; because, my gloves are on before I even get out of the front I wear them up to transfer of care.
Well.
When those lights turned off, black lights came on.
Proteins glow in black lights. Proteins would most be bodily fluids.
That couch was a glowing with small splatter marks an what looked like down under creases (ladies remember this).
This couch was PRETTY POPULAR.
I must have had a look on my face; because, my patient thought I "found" something bad with their head wound. Truth is there was a splatter mark right next to their ear.
I collared my patient, and load them on to the backboard.
I placed them on the stretcher with O2, and took off.
By the way, that box was is bypass for a hour so I decontaminate myself.
I am so glad I'm not the clubbing age anymore.
I'll ALWAYS remember the first critical fail.
SCENE SAFE.
BSI.
- Christian
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Really?
So the Bullie learned to get of pen today. Wouldn't be so bad but right now the dogs don't get along with each other. So now, I have a bunch of walking wounded at home. Sydney had puncture wounds on his leg. Bloo's eye is all bloody and swollen. Simon was the only smart one in the bunch. He headed for the hills. I found him hiding behind the trash bag at the top of the steps. I'm glad we did come home after seeing santa. Or I think I may have come home to a dead dog or two. Now, I have to choose. Rukus a wonderful Bullie breed. Or the rest of my brood. I believe this family can work. It's going to just take time to get everyone on the same page.
-Christian
-Christian
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Back to basics
My favorite pair of "fat" jeans.
Simple enough right. You know those are the jeans, that don't make you look like you are pregnant and shapes the cottage cheese that is your buttock. Well, I accidentally mooned an unsuspecting crowd the other day when my favorite pair of jeans failed me.
I have gone back to the http://www.Sparkspeople.com diet. I would really call it a diet per say. It teaches you how to live and eat. The potions looked small to me before, but I got use to it.
The only thing I don't like about it is the limits on foods. Every once in awhile I like a nice Ribeye or Sirloin steak. Those options are not available on the Sparks peoples diet. Another option I feel Sparks in a miss is the ability to "scan" your foods.
Another diet I have been using is the Daily Burn. I found it as an iPhone app. It lets you use your phone as a label scanner and all you have to do is insert how many serving you ate. Daily Burn also tracks your exercise and suggests exercises to do for maximum benefit. Daily Burn also tracks weight and let's you view real time progress. It is for the most part a free app. It can be upgraded to a the Daily Burn Pro for 9.99. This gives you a 30 day subscription, from what I understand, to make the app more integrated with a desktop, gives you meal planning options, and more advanced exercises, progress reports and body tracking. For the mess I am now, the free app is good for me. I will more likely try the Pro once I get closer to my target weight and size. I will also be using my other apps like iMap my walk and iMap my run. I use iMap my Run when I'm skating.
As I said before, things are finally looking up. Now the weight is going down.
Stress is the biggest weight gainer, but that is another rant.
LO
VE
Christian
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Simple enough right. You know those are the jeans, that don't make you look like you are pregnant and shapes the cottage cheese that is your buttock. Well, I accidentally mooned an unsuspecting crowd the other day when my favorite pair of jeans failed me.
I have gone back to the http://www.Sparkspeople.com diet. I would really call it a diet per say. It teaches you how to live and eat. The potions looked small to me before, but I got use to it.
The only thing I don't like about it is the limits on foods. Every once in awhile I like a nice Ribeye or Sirloin steak. Those options are not available on the Sparks peoples diet. Another option I feel Sparks in a miss is the ability to "scan" your foods.
Another diet I have been using is the Daily Burn. I found it as an iPhone app. It lets you use your phone as a label scanner and all you have to do is insert how many serving you ate. Daily Burn also tracks your exercise and suggests exercises to do for maximum benefit. Daily Burn also tracks weight and let's you view real time progress. It is for the most part a free app. It can be upgraded to a the Daily Burn Pro for 9.99. This gives you a 30 day subscription, from what I understand, to make the app more integrated with a desktop, gives you meal planning options, and more advanced exercises, progress reports and body tracking. For the mess I am now, the free app is good for me. I will more likely try the Pro once I get closer to my target weight and size. I will also be using my other apps like iMap my walk and iMap my run. I use iMap my Run when I'm skating.
As I said before, things are finally looking up. Now the weight is going down.
Stress is the biggest weight gainer, but that is another rant.
LO
VE
Christian
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
This is why
This is why I am the way I am.
For him to feel safe enough to sleep so peacefully and to show the world a true smile.
- Christian
For him to feel safe enough to sleep so peacefully and to show the world a true smile.
- Christian
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
In response to Yum Yucky's first ten pounds
Mine was also in 1998. May 24th 1998 to be exact.
This was the day life as I knew it died.
Rewind to 1989, Guns and Roses was all over the charts and NKOTB were all the rage. I was swimming in a friend of mine's pool. When her next door neighbor came over and introduced the "new" kid in school.
He was a tow headed crystal blue eyed.....me.
We were often told we were twins and we would make such a great couple.
But he was dating my "friend" T. Ok so we weren't friend. Deep down I really didn't like her, but you do what you gotta do to survive high school. Right? It also didn't help I went to another school completely from my "friends."
We remained close "secret" friends throughout high school. I dated a much older man. That didn't have much potential except that he was older then me.
Plus, Mike and I didn't wanna piss anyone off. I was just biding my time.
It was the fall of freshman year of college. I had developed quite the drinking habit. I was sobering up by walking around my neighborhood.
Now many of you all know my mom and dad. I didn't drink because of them. I drank because I truly hated who I was. I listened to everyone. I believed that I was worth nothing.
Yes. Mom and dad most of your liquor cabinet that you moved is water and food coloring.
I starved myself of food. I drank my daily calories. Then a red mustang pulled up beside me. I quickly jumped inside; because, it was Mike looking for me after I didn't answer the door when he would shimmy up the post of the balcony.
Wrong.
It was they other guys with same car. A guy I had no interest in. I acted like I was asleep. The little creep tried to stick his hand down my pants.
I punched him in the chest and jumped in the back. I yelled, "home Jeeves.". He tired to threaten me if I ever told anyone he would tell my mom and dad I was drinking all the time.
Next thing I knew the blanket was wrapping myself in was moving. I will never forget that pearly white crooked toothed smile and him "shhhhhhhh"ing me because he was hiding. His eyes were like ice. Crystal blue the kind movie stars have. We didn't go home that night I ending up talking to Mike at his friends apartment.
We dated for almost a year. Before I caught him cheating on me. He chased me after I left him. Yes, ladies, the nights you couldn't find him, he was at my house trying to get me back. Pregnant with another man's baby and all. You may have had him on your arm, but I had his heart.
FOUR years of chasing me, I gave him another chance. He followed me around whenever he was up here. He was constantly trying to make up for all the wrongs he did when he was younger.
Sal is the same type of man, but he was already grown when I met him.
Thank goodness for that because I would have left my ass a long time ago.
It was a moment of weakness on both our parts. I let him have a night out on the town with his buddies, and he over did it.
I still to this day don't know how the "accident" happened.
I was told he was murdered.
All I do know is he's gone. The accident happened on my son's third birthday. He didn't die until SIX days later in excruciating pain. He had a hemotomia on his brain. He had an eight and a half inch skull fracture. I stayed by his side for those six days. I cried the whole time. He woke up out of a medically induced coma and the first thing he mouthed to me was "I'm sorry.". He died that night. At 12:15am.
I was ready to be his wife. Even if I had to care for him in every capacity. I would have done it.
Even though this same man cheated on me, lied to me, and didn't get it" until he was on him deathbed-I was ready.
Five years went by so fast. I went from 115 to 212. All my "friends" left me because I was such a train wreck "I should just kill myself, and get it over with." Great "friends" right?
I'm still trying to find the "old" me. The stronger me. I was not loved by many. I still have the same values as the old me. Just a not so pretty package.
I hope to get there one day. That strong independent single parent against the grain of the world.
I just hope can accept the hands to help me this time around, so I don't fall so far if there is a next time.
- Christian
This was the day life as I knew it died.
Rewind to 1989, Guns and Roses was all over the charts and NKOTB were all the rage. I was swimming in a friend of mine's pool. When her next door neighbor came over and introduced the "new" kid in school.
He was a tow headed crystal blue eyed.....me.
We were often told we were twins and we would make such a great couple.
But he was dating my "friend" T. Ok so we weren't friend. Deep down I really didn't like her, but you do what you gotta do to survive high school. Right? It also didn't help I went to another school completely from my "friends."
We remained close "secret" friends throughout high school. I dated a much older man. That didn't have much potential except that he was older then me.
Plus, Mike and I didn't wanna piss anyone off. I was just biding my time.
It was the fall of freshman year of college. I had developed quite the drinking habit. I was sobering up by walking around my neighborhood.
Now many of you all know my mom and dad. I didn't drink because of them. I drank because I truly hated who I was. I listened to everyone. I believed that I was worth nothing.
Yes. Mom and dad most of your liquor cabinet that you moved is water and food coloring.
I starved myself of food. I drank my daily calories. Then a red mustang pulled up beside me. I quickly jumped inside; because, it was Mike looking for me after I didn't answer the door when he would shimmy up the post of the balcony.
Wrong.
It was they other guys with same car. A guy I had no interest in. I acted like I was asleep. The little creep tried to stick his hand down my pants.
I punched him in the chest and jumped in the back. I yelled, "home Jeeves.". He tired to threaten me if I ever told anyone he would tell my mom and dad I was drinking all the time.
Next thing I knew the blanket was wrapping myself in was moving. I will never forget that pearly white crooked toothed smile and him "shhhhhhhh"ing me because he was hiding. His eyes were like ice. Crystal blue the kind movie stars have. We didn't go home that night I ending up talking to Mike at his friends apartment.
We dated for almost a year. Before I caught him cheating on me. He chased me after I left him. Yes, ladies, the nights you couldn't find him, he was at my house trying to get me back. Pregnant with another man's baby and all. You may have had him on your arm, but I had his heart.
FOUR years of chasing me, I gave him another chance. He followed me around whenever he was up here. He was constantly trying to make up for all the wrongs he did when he was younger.
Sal is the same type of man, but he was already grown when I met him.
Thank goodness for that because I would have left my ass a long time ago.
It was a moment of weakness on both our parts. I let him have a night out on the town with his buddies, and he over did it.
I still to this day don't know how the "accident" happened.
I was told he was murdered.
All I do know is he's gone. The accident happened on my son's third birthday. He didn't die until SIX days later in excruciating pain. He had a hemotomia on his brain. He had an eight and a half inch skull fracture. I stayed by his side for those six days. I cried the whole time. He woke up out of a medically induced coma and the first thing he mouthed to me was "I'm sorry.". He died that night. At 12:15am.
I was ready to be his wife. Even if I had to care for him in every capacity. I would have done it.
Even though this same man cheated on me, lied to me, and didn't get it" until he was on him deathbed-I was ready.
Five years went by so fast. I went from 115 to 212. All my "friends" left me because I was such a train wreck "I should just kill myself, and get it over with." Great "friends" right?
I'm still trying to find the "old" me. The stronger me. I was not loved by many. I still have the same values as the old me. Just a not so pretty package.
I hope to get there one day. That strong independent single parent against the grain of the world.
I just hope can accept the hands to help me this time around, so I don't fall so far if there is a next time.
- Christian
Thing are looking up...
Why am I so down?
I have been "sick" for the better part of two years. Just when think I have this greased pig cornered, it slips right through my legs.
I seriously hate feeling this way.
I don't wanna to go through life with no answers, like I did for most of my life before, they recognized fibromyalgia.
- Christian
I have been "sick" for the better part of two years. Just when think I have this greased pig cornered, it slips right through my legs.
I seriously hate feeling this way.
I don't wanna to go through life with no answers, like I did for most of my life before, they recognized fibromyalgia.
- Christian
Today is the day
I'll be seeing if I'm going to be returning to the wonderful world of transport.
I have lots to do including picking up my driving record for the interview.
I am a good EMT. I still have lots to learn and experience is the only way to do it.
I have found out that stress has impacted a lot lately.
About the cancer thing, all preliminary reports are moving in the benign direction. But that cannot be confronts or denied until all report come back. I even have one of three CT SCANS that says it was never there to begin with. I'm gonna follow up still. I have to get back into physical therapy and get my doctor visits lined up.
Damn I just remembered and eight am meeting with the school.
I'll have to catch about round of sleep to be awake for that one.
Night all. I'll try to update the rest of today's events as they happen. You all know nothing goes as smooth as you want it to go.
- Christian
I have lots to do including picking up my driving record for the interview.
I am a good EMT. I still have lots to learn and experience is the only way to do it.
I have found out that stress has impacted a lot lately.
About the cancer thing, all preliminary reports are moving in the benign direction. But that cannot be confronts or denied until all report come back. I even have one of three CT SCANS that says it was never there to begin with. I'm gonna follow up still. I have to get back into physical therapy and get my doctor visits lined up.
Damn I just remembered and eight am meeting with the school.
I'll have to catch about round of sleep to be awake for that one.
Night all. I'll try to update the rest of today's events as they happen. You all know nothing goes as smooth as you want it to go.
- Christian
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I hate myself
Be for you get all mad at me, hear me out.
I have been fifty pound Overweight for a decade now. Being this heavy has effected the way I act towards other and how I feel about myself.
I'm tired of feeling this way. I will be starting my sparks people diet again because it actually worked.
I am stressed out about my house, my job and my health.
My house with be fixed.
I'm hoping on the results of my CT tomorrow. If it's positive, I will be making a ton of doctors appointments tomorrow.
My job maybe a tough one. I maybe losing that one. Because my job is run by a man with no EMS experience, and a short fuse.
I can't get anyone to speak to me. I swear if I find out they suspended me without reason I'm going to the industrial board.
Having this tumor is bad enough. I don't need stress from a man who just last we told us; "To take them to hospital that is your job. You are not paid to think."
Seriously an EMERGENCY transport with an hour wait. Tell them to call 911.
I did what I was trained to do. I am not a doctor. I cannot diagnose anything. I treated her the best I could. If you would have let me explain we would have come to this.
- Christian
I have been fifty pound Overweight for a decade now. Being this heavy has effected the way I act towards other and how I feel about myself.
I'm tired of feeling this way. I will be starting my sparks people diet again because it actually worked.
I am stressed out about my house, my job and my health.
My house with be fixed.
I'm hoping on the results of my CT tomorrow. If it's positive, I will be making a ton of doctors appointments tomorrow.
My job maybe a tough one. I maybe losing that one. Because my job is run by a man with no EMS experience, and a short fuse.
I can't get anyone to speak to me. I swear if I find out they suspended me without reason I'm going to the industrial board.
Having this tumor is bad enough. I don't need stress from a man who just last we told us; "To take them to hospital that is your job. You are not paid to think."
Seriously an EMERGENCY transport with an hour wait. Tell them to call 911.
I did what I was trained to do. I am not a doctor. I cannot diagnose anything. I treated her the best I could. If you would have let me explain we would have come to this.
- Christian
Saturday, November 27, 2010
So sorry
I just realized I have not updated this thing in a couple of days.
So sorry.
Not much has changed. I'm still in the dark as to how big the tumor is. Damn holiday. I couldn't even enjoy it. I'm going through songs I want for my funeral and what I want my tombstone to read.
I am not afraid of dying. Not at all. I've made my peace. What I worry able is my husband and my children. Since I have gotten sick, my house is a total pig pen. When I first bought this house in 2008 you could eat off the floor. Now I can't do laundry without taking several breaks.
Anyone that follows me. Have you ever wondered why most of my pictures are from my bed with the big pile of laundry?
My husband is starting to be more independent. He's been making dinner and doing laundry. I'm just hoping I can get a wind of energy ti vacuum. This poor house needs it.
Sal works nights this weekend. I actually miss him when he is at work.
My nails shop is open tomorrow and the owner (a good friend of mine) has invited me in for services.
See this brilliant woman named Julie, @kneatfreak on twitter, has all these really great ideas and she started this #peditweetup thing.
I suggested Tony's shop because 1) I know he is uberclean, 2) he's reasonable on prices, and 3) he a small business that was feeling the pinch of the recession.
His pedicures are given in massage chair. They wash, pumice, trim and massage your feet, ankles and calves. Then they lotion and use this "magic fingers" massager to circulate the blood. They top is all off with hot towels. Spa like treatment. Just lately all my money has been going to co pays.
I go and sit at the shop a couple of time when Sal is not home, and I'm having trouble breathing.
I don't want to burden my children by scaring the crap out of them if I start to turn blue.
I'm starting to realize how many great people I have in my life. Tony since moving from Newark to Middletown has excepted me like family. I go to holiday parties with him and his family. He is an awesome man.
I just don't hope I fall asleep on him again. I wanna enjoy my pampering.
- Christian
So sorry.
Not much has changed. I'm still in the dark as to how big the tumor is. Damn holiday. I couldn't even enjoy it. I'm going through songs I want for my funeral and what I want my tombstone to read.
I am not afraid of dying. Not at all. I've made my peace. What I worry able is my husband and my children. Since I have gotten sick, my house is a total pig pen. When I first bought this house in 2008 you could eat off the floor. Now I can't do laundry without taking several breaks.
Anyone that follows me. Have you ever wondered why most of my pictures are from my bed with the big pile of laundry?
My husband is starting to be more independent. He's been making dinner and doing laundry. I'm just hoping I can get a wind of energy ti vacuum. This poor house needs it.
Sal works nights this weekend. I actually miss him when he is at work.
My nails shop is open tomorrow and the owner (a good friend of mine) has invited me in for services.
See this brilliant woman named Julie, @kneatfreak on twitter, has all these really great ideas and she started this #peditweetup thing.
I suggested Tony's shop because 1) I know he is uberclean, 2) he's reasonable on prices, and 3) he a small business that was feeling the pinch of the recession.
His pedicures are given in massage chair. They wash, pumice, trim and massage your feet, ankles and calves. Then they lotion and use this "magic fingers" massager to circulate the blood. They top is all off with hot towels. Spa like treatment. Just lately all my money has been going to co pays.
I go and sit at the shop a couple of time when Sal is not home, and I'm having trouble breathing.
I don't want to burden my children by scaring the crap out of them if I start to turn blue.
I'm starting to realize how many great people I have in my life. Tony since moving from Newark to Middletown has excepted me like family. I go to holiday parties with him and his family. He is an awesome man.
I just don't hope I fall asleep on him again. I wanna enjoy my pampering.
- Christian
Monday, November 22, 2010
Da da da da da da catscan
Yup. I got an injection that made me all tingly. Nope. It wasn't heroin. I got a contrast dye injection before my cat scan.
After it was all said and done the techs demeanor changed from happy to comforting. She couldn't tell me the size or what it looked like. I guess it's a waiting game now.
- Christian
In a place called vertigo
I thought today was going to be boring. I was wrong. I woke up with a wicked case of vertigo.
I jumped out of bed to the Boils the Orange and the Black at 6:00 am. I immediately felt I was on a roller-coaster run. My head felt like it was spinning. I fell to the ground.
I landed in my poor 100 lb puppy. He didn't seem to mind, he was more worried about me.
I crawled to the bathroom and immediately made friend with the porcelain pot. I emptied the contents of the night before.
My friend Bloo was at my side the entire time licking my face.
I'm sure an adventure of the wonkey toe is in order.
I would like to think he was showing how worried he was for me, but I'm sure he was licking to get some of yummy off my face I was emptying in the pot.
I called out of work. Who would want to have an employee who is on their own personal roller-coaster to drive their vehicle.
I have been in pain all day. Why can't I just cut a break.
- Christian
I jumped out of bed to the Boils the Orange and the Black at 6:00 am. I immediately felt I was on a roller-coaster run. My head felt like it was spinning. I fell to the ground.
I landed in my poor 100 lb puppy. He didn't seem to mind, he was more worried about me.
I crawled to the bathroom and immediately made friend with the porcelain pot. I emptied the contents of the night before.
My friend Bloo was at my side the entire time licking my face.
I'm sure an adventure of the wonkey toe is in order.
I would like to think he was showing how worried he was for me, but I'm sure he was licking to get some of yummy off my face I was emptying in the pot.
I called out of work. Who would want to have an employee who is on their own personal roller-coaster to drive their vehicle.
I have been in pain all day. Why can't I just cut a break.
- Christian
Location:E Main St,Middletown,United States
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Checkin out for a bit.....
I know it's not fair that I have "checked out" for a bit. I hate leaving without explanation. A lot has happened to me in the past few months. It started out with a torn knee. Now I have not been to an actual doctors in 5 years.
Yes, I tore my knee in october 2008, but I just got X-rays and they gave me injections and PT.
My last Physical with blood work was in 2000, when I was Diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. There have been other stints in the ER for various thing and quick doctors visits, but nothing a tylenol and a shot couldn't cure.
In April when I tore my knee again, I became I little more aware of me feeling "sick." I started to see a group of doctor to try to get me back to my "old" self.
First, I thought I was depressed. I wasn't healing as fast as I normally did. I began not to care anymore what happened to the people in my life and the things I cared for. It's wasn't depression. I was more frustrated, then depressed.
Next I saw my PCP, I suggested to do the Lupus blood work again this time I got 7 or the 11 markers. I never followed up with it. so I don't know if I am actually diagnosed with Lupus or not.
Then I started to black out and lose time. I got more blood work done. Turns out I'm pre-diabetic with hypoglycemic trend.
Then just as I was starting to feel better. My van was struck by a drunk driver one block from my house. It the accident wasn't bad enough, the driver tried to hit me with his car while fleeing the scene. I re-injuried myself from my neck to my knees. I got an MRI and it showed I have stenosis of the spine with the beginnings of cord compression. I have 3 bulging disks. I was back in PT again in June. I worked really hard at rehabbing myself. I want so badly to go back to derby. But I was always tired. I got some good news the stenosis wasn't as bad as they thought. My cholesterol was high, but my A1C came back as a 6.5%.
I started to go back to my old ways easing into school and work, but I was so tired and the pain kept getting worst. I started to see a pain management doc. He stuck me on all kinds of pain meds. I continued on but the combination of pain medications and the fatigue got the best of me and I dropped out of college in September with the plan to return in the Spring. I started working Prime time at my job and every night I got home I was wiped out. I couldn't move and I was having sever abdominal pains.
I found a paper about a week ago that stated on 9/7/09 a mass was found between my thymus and my lung. this mass measured at time 24 mm and it was unusual for a person of my age to have it. It also said I have Pleural Effusions and Atelectsis of my lungs.. basically I have fluid in my lungs and they are not fully expanding.
See, I wondered why I couldn't do pace line.
I just had my kidney functions test and the CAT scan is Monday, then its a waiting game. This Important piece of paper was stuffed in an old book bag of mine where I kept my knitting. If I wouldn't have picked my knitting back up I don't know how much longer I would have taken to see a doctor. It might have been too late. You can call me a liar and such. I don't care anymore. I'm too sick to be petty a play games. Just remember My door is always open for my friends. I will try my damnest to make it to every event, but I disappear its not because I want to or a flaked out. Text me. I maybe over sleeping on my pain meds or a doctor visit has run over, but mostly it may be that I totally WIPED out. I could use your support.
LO
VE
Christian
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Yes, I tore my knee in october 2008, but I just got X-rays and they gave me injections and PT.
My last Physical with blood work was in 2000, when I was Diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. There have been other stints in the ER for various thing and quick doctors visits, but nothing a tylenol and a shot couldn't cure.
In April when I tore my knee again, I became I little more aware of me feeling "sick." I started to see a group of doctor to try to get me back to my "old" self.
First, I thought I was depressed. I wasn't healing as fast as I normally did. I began not to care anymore what happened to the people in my life and the things I cared for. It's wasn't depression. I was more frustrated, then depressed.
Next I saw my PCP, I suggested to do the Lupus blood work again this time I got 7 or the 11 markers. I never followed up with it. so I don't know if I am actually diagnosed with Lupus or not.
Then I started to black out and lose time. I got more blood work done. Turns out I'm pre-diabetic with hypoglycemic trend.
Then just as I was starting to feel better. My van was struck by a drunk driver one block from my house. It the accident wasn't bad enough, the driver tried to hit me with his car while fleeing the scene. I re-injuried myself from my neck to my knees. I got an MRI and it showed I have stenosis of the spine with the beginnings of cord compression. I have 3 bulging disks. I was back in PT again in June. I worked really hard at rehabbing myself. I want so badly to go back to derby. But I was always tired. I got some good news the stenosis wasn't as bad as they thought. My cholesterol was high, but my A1C came back as a 6.5%.
I started to go back to my old ways easing into school and work, but I was so tired and the pain kept getting worst. I started to see a pain management doc. He stuck me on all kinds of pain meds. I continued on but the combination of pain medications and the fatigue got the best of me and I dropped out of college in September with the plan to return in the Spring. I started working Prime time at my job and every night I got home I was wiped out. I couldn't move and I was having sever abdominal pains.
I found a paper about a week ago that stated on 9/7/09 a mass was found between my thymus and my lung. this mass measured at time 24 mm and it was unusual for a person of my age to have it. It also said I have Pleural Effusions and Atelectsis of my lungs.. basically I have fluid in my lungs and they are not fully expanding.
See, I wondered why I couldn't do pace line.
I just had my kidney functions test and the CAT scan is Monday, then its a waiting game. This Important piece of paper was stuffed in an old book bag of mine where I kept my knitting. If I wouldn't have picked my knitting back up I don't know how much longer I would have taken to see a doctor. It might have been too late. You can call me a liar and such. I don't care anymore. I'm too sick to be petty a play games. Just remember My door is always open for my friends. I will try my damnest to make it to every event, but I disappear its not because I want to or a flaked out. Text me. I maybe over sleeping on my pain meds or a doctor visit has run over, but mostly it may be that I totally WIPED out. I could use your support.
LO
VE
Christian
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Pay it Forward
We will be having many fundraising nights coming up in Middletown for the Pyle family. If you want to drop donations of food and household goods, you can put them on my porch at 9 east Cochran street until we get a donation site set up. I'll make sure they get them.
My twitter friend and everyone who reads this please support these nights. You know I will be posting them all over the place.
Rick is a firefighter. Debbie cared for her sick mother. The teen girls have lost everything. Please help me in supporting this family.
My twitter friend and everyone who reads this please support these nights. You know I will be posting them all over the place.
Rick is a firefighter. Debbie cared for her sick mother. The teen girls have lost everything. Please help me in supporting this family.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Breaking the news
I was walking through the bay at my transportation job on Friday. My partner called out and I was waiting for someone to be called in.
One of the girls was laughing. She looked straight at me and asked why I was wear my beanie. I showed her the pink hair. She was like it looks great, But why pink? She said it wasn't too bright and it was only noticeable in certain lights.
Then she dropped a bomb.
She said, "You really look like a chemo patient there. "
The whole room stopped talking.
She was like, what did I say?
Nobody had told her why I had to call off the better part of my week.
So jokingly, I said I would be one soon enough.
She then said that wasn't funny. Then my face went serious. Now really I have a mass on my lung. I don't know if it was benign or malignant. I don't know the size. Or if it's matastized.
She continues to say it's not funny, but there is a panic urgency in her voice.
She is waiting for me to say I'm just kidding. But I'm not.
Then I say just pray for benign. She broke down into tears. She was mad. Really mad. She was saying how I have the baby and I didn't smoke, and how could life be this cruel. I told her not to think about it too much. Until they say it's malignant or metastasize is when to worry.
She asked about my reactions when I first found out, and yes cried my eyes out. In an ambulance, on shift in the home depot parking lot across from Christiana hospital. My partner just looked at me and said,"I'm sorry." and went back to reading his book.
Why do people say sorry? They didn't do it. Everyone don't say you are sorry when you see me. Express your feelings to me. I can take it. Plus, it is nice to know you are scared or anxious for me. I know I'm not alone with my feelings.
If this all goes to shit. Please watch after my family. We never ask for help when we truly need it. It's just better to invite yourself in and help out. We just have too much pride to admit we need help.
One of the girls was laughing. She looked straight at me and asked why I was wear my beanie. I showed her the pink hair. She was like it looks great, But why pink? She said it wasn't too bright and it was only noticeable in certain lights.
Then she dropped a bomb.
She said, "You really look like a chemo patient there. "
The whole room stopped talking.
She was like, what did I say?
Nobody had told her why I had to call off the better part of my week.
So jokingly, I said I would be one soon enough.
She then said that wasn't funny. Then my face went serious. Now really I have a mass on my lung. I don't know if it was benign or malignant. I don't know the size. Or if it's matastized.
She continues to say it's not funny, but there is a panic urgency in her voice.
She is waiting for me to say I'm just kidding. But I'm not.
Then I say just pray for benign. She broke down into tears. She was mad. Really mad. She was saying how I have the baby and I didn't smoke, and how could life be this cruel. I told her not to think about it too much. Until they say it's malignant or metastasize is when to worry.
She asked about my reactions when I first found out, and yes cried my eyes out. In an ambulance, on shift in the home depot parking lot across from Christiana hospital. My partner just looked at me and said,"I'm sorry." and went back to reading his book.
Why do people say sorry? They didn't do it. Everyone don't say you are sorry when you see me. Express your feelings to me. I can take it. Plus, it is nice to know you are scared or anxious for me. I know I'm not alone with my feelings.
If this all goes to shit. Please watch after my family. We never ask for help when we truly need it. It's just better to invite yourself in and help out. We just have too much pride to admit we need help.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Public vs private
Wow. I tried to make an appoint for the CT. Because I have private insurance, I need a preauthorization. Or else I needed to be scheduled three days out. I was told by the scheduler at if I had Medicare or Medicaid I could walk in or have my appoint tomorrow.
How fair is that? I work hard. I am not a burden on society. So I have to wait.
Really?
What has this world come to?
Well, I finally got my appointment. Monday at 9 am at the Sleepy Hallow center. My doctor stood up for me and got me in before the holiday.
I'm thankful for my family, and hopefully my health.
Blood test in the am. So I can get the results just in time for the scan.
So it begins......
- Christian
How fair is that? I work hard. I am not a burden on society. So I have to wait.
Really?
What has this world come to?
Well, I finally got my appointment. Monday at 9 am at the Sleepy Hallow center. My doctor stood up for me and got me in before the holiday.
I'm thankful for my family, and hopefully my health.
Blood test in the am. So I can get the results just in time for the scan.
So it begins......
- Christian
11-18-10 the follow up
Ok. I write down 10:30 for my appointment time.
I was wrong. Lea came out and met me in the parking lot. She told me my appointment had been at 10 am.
Damn.
I had been doing so much better with my calendars. The baby had fired my phone, and then my teen fired it a second time after I got the replacement phone.
Two days without a phone.
I tried to make it this very special appointment.
When I tried to explain the Lea why this appointment was so important, she just kept talking over me.
All she wanted to hear from me was when I wanted to reschedule my appointment.
I was crying. I had forgotten those four pages at home.
As I was walking out, I saw the doctor.
Lea made sure to tell Dr Sharbaugh I had reschedule my appointment.
I lost it then.
I said nevermind I don't need the appointment and just cancel it. I left and slammed the door behind me.
I stopped and got Chase something to eat and ran a couple of errands. Then I got the bright idea to go get the papers and walk into doc's office.
I went home to find the dogs had trash the place. I grabbed the papers, and cleaned up a few things.
I drove like I was in a mission. I was exhausted. The baby was cranky. He wanted so bad to sleep, but for some reason he just couldn't find the peace of mind.
I got to the doctor's office during his lunch hour.
I walked in the side door. The receptionist was not at her desk. So I slipped into the doctor's office. I unfolded my pages and slipped them in front of him. He was looking down and didn't see me even come in.
I said, "this is why it's so important that I had to see you."
He pause and read the paper.
He out his hand over his mouth. He said a few thing just didn't make sense.
He told me it didn't fully mean I had cancer that a biopsy was in order. He gave me a script for CT and sent me over to the Helen Gramham Cancer Center. He kept saying over and over this doesn't mean it's cancer.
I went to the info desk and asked for the thoracic surgeons.
Second floor. Suite 2100.
I have say I was inspired here. I found some beautiful things in my wanderings in this building.
We found the surgeons. Now the journey begins......
- Christian
I was wrong. Lea came out and met me in the parking lot. She told me my appointment had been at 10 am.
Damn.
I had been doing so much better with my calendars. The baby had fired my phone, and then my teen fired it a second time after I got the replacement phone.
Two days without a phone.
I tried to make it this very special appointment.
When I tried to explain the Lea why this appointment was so important, she just kept talking over me.
All she wanted to hear from me was when I wanted to reschedule my appointment.
I was crying. I had forgotten those four pages at home.
As I was walking out, I saw the doctor.
Lea made sure to tell Dr Sharbaugh I had reschedule my appointment.
I lost it then.
I said nevermind I don't need the appointment and just cancel it. I left and slammed the door behind me.
I stopped and got Chase something to eat and ran a couple of errands. Then I got the bright idea to go get the papers and walk into doc's office.
I went home to find the dogs had trash the place. I grabbed the papers, and cleaned up a few things.
I drove like I was in a mission. I was exhausted. The baby was cranky. He wanted so bad to sleep, but for some reason he just couldn't find the peace of mind.
I got to the doctor's office during his lunch hour.
I walked in the side door. The receptionist was not at her desk. So I slipped into the doctor's office. I unfolded my pages and slipped them in front of him. He was looking down and didn't see me even come in.
I said, "this is why it's so important that I had to see you."
He pause and read the paper.
He out his hand over his mouth. He said a few thing just didn't make sense.
He told me it didn't fully mean I had cancer that a biopsy was in order. He gave me a script for CT and sent me over to the Helen Gramham Cancer Center. He kept saying over and over this doesn't mean it's cancer.
I went to the info desk and asked for the thoracic surgeons.
Second floor. Suite 2100.
I have say I was inspired here. I found some beautiful things in my wanderings in this building.
We found the surgeons. Now the journey begins......
- Christian
C is for cancer
I want to make sure that I get this right. I want to leave something behind for everyone I knew and loved.
On November 11, I found a letter saying I had a 24 mm mass on my thymus.
November 11th is significant because it's my aunt's birthday that past away from leukemia five years ago.
This paper had been stuffed away in an envelope for over a year and boom I find it on the fifth anniversary after my aunts passing.
Ok.
Let's go back a year.
On September 7th 2009, I had just been released from Kent general hospital. I had just given birth to my son, Chase.
We rushed up to Manor Care, on Foulk road in Wilmington, to let my father in law meet his grandson.
My father in law actively dying from end stage cancer. He had caught the cancer late in life, and is had metastasized throughout his body. There was no point of origin for his cancer.
I chose not to have the newborn baby go into nursing home. His immune system was already low from the tempestuous pregnancy, He also had jaundice three days after birth. I stayed by the car while my husband took my father in law back to his room.
My husband was scattered-brained, and locked the car. So I waited by the car.
The next thing I knew, I had a wave of pain wash over me. It was hard to breath. I tried to sit on the curb, but I was suddenly dizzy and fell. I landed on my back. Clutching my newborn and crying. I realized I couldn't make a sound.
It seemed like forever before my husband came out and saw me. I don't know what was worst the pain in my chest or the extreme cold of the wet grass.
Sal was in slow motion, as I was screaming and crying without making a sound. He scooped the baby up, and I blacked out.
I woke up in the emergency fast track.
They put the leads on me.
They all stared at the machine.
Then after a couple of minutes the young doctor pulled the leads, and said well that's not it.
While I was out, they had given me an IV. They must have done blood cultures because they put me in a room to observe me on the cardiac monitor.
I was breathing erratically. My respiration rate was 34. They decided to do a CAT scan of my chest to try to get answers. In order to make sure that I laid still they doctors gave me dalaudin and xanax cocktail. I was out again.
Next time, I woke up it was four am. The hospital had briefed Sal on following up with my PCP, and it was of great importance that I do so.
I didn't have any other symptoms. So I figured it was the stress of the baby and all. Plus, I never got any paperwork to give to my doctor for the followup.
Back to 11/11.
I was cleaning out my book bag that I hadn't used in just out at year. I don't remember ever seeing that stack of papers in there before. I have been lugging that book bag around for the last couple of months; because, I was looking for time to start my knitting back up.
I was on shift at my job at Transcare.
We had stopped in a parking lot to stage for the next run.
I had just finished knitting a hat. I had nothing else to occupy my time so I picked through my bag.
What was this? Four pages?folded in half twice? I opened it and read it. I wanted to throw up.
I cried.
My partner said he was sorry.
For what. I'm still not sure.
I called my PCP for that follow up.
On November 11, I found a letter saying I had a 24 mm mass on my thymus.
November 11th is significant because it's my aunt's birthday that past away from leukemia five years ago.
This paper had been stuffed away in an envelope for over a year and boom I find it on the fifth anniversary after my aunts passing.
Ok.
Let's go back a year.
On September 7th 2009, I had just been released from Kent general hospital. I had just given birth to my son, Chase.
We rushed up to Manor Care, on Foulk road in Wilmington, to let my father in law meet his grandson.
My father in law actively dying from end stage cancer. He had caught the cancer late in life, and is had metastasized throughout his body. There was no point of origin for his cancer.
I chose not to have the newborn baby go into nursing home. His immune system was already low from the tempestuous pregnancy, He also had jaundice three days after birth. I stayed by the car while my husband took my father in law back to his room.
My husband was scattered-brained, and locked the car. So I waited by the car.
The next thing I knew, I had a wave of pain wash over me. It was hard to breath. I tried to sit on the curb, but I was suddenly dizzy and fell. I landed on my back. Clutching my newborn and crying. I realized I couldn't make a sound.
It seemed like forever before my husband came out and saw me. I don't know what was worst the pain in my chest or the extreme cold of the wet grass.
Sal was in slow motion, as I was screaming and crying without making a sound. He scooped the baby up, and I blacked out.
I woke up in the emergency fast track.
They put the leads on me.
They all stared at the machine.
Then after a couple of minutes the young doctor pulled the leads, and said well that's not it.
While I was out, they had given me an IV. They must have done blood cultures because they put me in a room to observe me on the cardiac monitor.
I was breathing erratically. My respiration rate was 34. They decided to do a CAT scan of my chest to try to get answers. In order to make sure that I laid still they doctors gave me dalaudin and xanax cocktail. I was out again.
Next time, I woke up it was four am. The hospital had briefed Sal on following up with my PCP, and it was of great importance that I do so.
I didn't have any other symptoms. So I figured it was the stress of the baby and all. Plus, I never got any paperwork to give to my doctor for the followup.
Back to 11/11.
I was cleaning out my book bag that I hadn't used in just out at year. I don't remember ever seeing that stack of papers in there before. I have been lugging that book bag around for the last couple of months; because, I was looking for time to start my knitting back up.
I was on shift at my job at Transcare.
We had stopped in a parking lot to stage for the next run.
I had just finished knitting a hat. I had nothing else to occupy my time so I picked through my bag.
What was this? Four pages?folded in half twice? I opened it and read it. I wanted to throw up.
I cried.
My partner said he was sorry.
For what. I'm still not sure.
I called my PCP for that follow up.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Back to the beginning
I'm back up to 184. Damn. Well, change are going to happen I swear. I'm gonna pack my lunch, and stop eating fast food. I'm going to skate five miles a day. I don't wanna hunker down like I did last winter. Time to hit the gym and MAKE IT TO PRACTICE. Shit! I'm so lazy. Tomorrow is classwork. I have to start making it back to DTCC
and use the gym. Hell, I paid for it his semester.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
and use the gym. Hell, I paid for it his semester.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, September 18, 2010
It's his party and I'm not shedding a tear
I weighed myself today 177.2.
Damn.
I'm shocked.
I have never gotten below 180 with diet and exercise alone.
I wouldn't say today was a lazy day. I scrubbed my house of 240 minutes in prep for my youngest son's first birthday.
I'm going to be good. I have a lot of low cal healthy dished besides the fatty ones. It's good to have vegetarian friends. Its always a good excuse to make the good stuff for parties without seeming like you are being overbearing about trying to maintain a healthy life style.
LO VE
Christian
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Damn.
I'm shocked.
I have never gotten below 180 with diet and exercise alone.
I wouldn't say today was a lazy day. I scrubbed my house of 240 minutes in prep for my youngest son's first birthday.
I'm going to be good. I have a lot of low cal healthy dished besides the fatty ones. It's good to have vegetarian friends. Its always a good excuse to make the good stuff for parties without seeming like you are being overbearing about trying to maintain a healthy life style.
LO VE
Christian
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I DID IT! I DID IT!
20mins on the elipitical and a whole weight session. Although my resistance weights were only 5 to 10lbs, becasue I am still hurting. I don't like what my knee is doing. It kept clicking, it is warm and there is pain in the back. I need to go for a second opinion on it. My back is alright. Sore, pain has actually decrease a litle. My hand after the workout had pin and needles for 3 hours afterwards. I actually skipped my afternoon dose of pain medication. I finally got that high only mobile people get. I'm not saying you have to be hardcore. Just 45 minutes of exercise made me feel so much better. I felt so accomplished today, and yes Mr Horton I fit you in today also although I could only complete 12 minutes of your ab ripper, I will keep at it and I will start my official 90 days once I can complete the WHOLE DVD. To all the p90x fans, these DVDs are amazing. I am still recovering from an auto accident and I can only pace myself until the doctors completely clear me.
LO
VE
Christian
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
20mins on the elipitical and a whole weight session. Although my resistance weights were only 5 to 10lbs, becasue I am still hurting. I don't like what my knee is doing. It kept clicking, it is warm and there is pain in the back. I need to go for a second opinion on it. My back is alright. Sore, pain has actually decrease a litle. My hand after the workout had pin and needles for 3 hours afterwards. I actually skipped my afternoon dose of pain medication. I finally got that high only mobile people get. I'm not saying you have to be hardcore. Just 45 minutes of exercise made me feel so much better. I felt so accomplished today, and yes Mr Horton I fit you in today also although I could only complete 12 minutes of your ab ripper, I will keep at it and I will start my official 90 days once I can complete the WHOLE DVD. To all the p90x fans, these DVDs are amazing. I am still recovering from an auto accident and I can only pace myself until the doctors completely clear me.
LO
VE
Christian
“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.” George Bernard Shaw
Monday, September 13, 2010
Day 1 AGAIN
I should have started yesterday, but I kinda failed at that. I cleaned the house instead. I have to jump on this pony and get riding. I have to get my life organized, because without it in my life there is total chaos. Well, today I am 182.6 with all my clothes on. I have a bunch of household stuff to get done today and home work tonight. My goal is to get the household stuff out of the way, finish my home work, and still fit in my routine. Well, I have to get to it and get off this damn computer. I will update before bed.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Something to lift your spirits......
My aunt emailed this to me.
A Homeless Man's Funeral
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.
I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Apparently I'm still lost....
A Homeless Man's Funeral
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.
I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Apparently I'm still lost....
New Start tomorrow
The doctors have given me the green light to start with light weights and cardio to my comfort level. Tomorrow is a new day and fresh start.
Oh another thing. I will be doing my diet with http://www.sparkspeople.com and my P90x tapes and roller derby on Wednesday and Sunday. Fun. Fun. Fun,
Oh another thing. I will be doing my diet with http://www.sparkspeople.com and my P90x tapes and roller derby on Wednesday and Sunday. Fun. Fun. Fun,
Friday, July 2, 2010
More money....oh problems.
The only issues I have with the Tony Horton p90x exercise routine is the time it takes to get all the exercises in.
I work as an EMT. My job is very physical. I am walking, lifting and other things....that are very rigorous.
Last night, I came home and literally passed out from exhaustion.
Mr Horton where does this put me? Is there anything I can do to remedy this issue?
I would love to follow your programs, but it's just not working out for an ambulance jockey like me.
Even the lite version is too much time for me.
I understand that this is an issues I will have to workout to complete this program. No pain. No gain. I guess it will have to wait until after this nap.
I work as an EMT. My job is very physical. I am walking, lifting and other things....that are very rigorous.
Last night, I came home and literally passed out from exhaustion.
Mr Horton where does this put me? Is there anything I can do to remedy this issue?
I would love to follow your programs, but it's just not working out for an ambulance jockey like me.
Even the lite version is too much time for me.
I understand that this is an issues I will have to workout to complete this program. No pain. No gain. I guess it will have to wait until after this nap.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
T minus 5 mintues
After sitting down to write a little bit on why I'm here, I will begin the p90x exercise plan.
I have always been the skinny girl all though life. It wasn't until my fiancee was killed, and having a baby in my teens that weight ballooned.
I have struggled with my weight since I was 22. I am turning 35 this August.
So far with the p90x diet plan alone, I have lost 10 lbs.
I am coming off a knee injury and having another baby. So, I have been sedimentary since October of 2008.
I am a firefighter and EMT, so my day jobs mostly consists on mostly sitting around.
I was never too concerned with my health and weight until I became a roller derby girl in 2007. I watched as the new girls who took better care of themselves always passed me by and get on the teams faster then me. I am on leave and would like to slim down and show my team I have the right stuff and discipline to make a great roller derby girl.
Another reason I want to get in to shape(Besides ROUND) is I am a firefighter and EMT. I want to give my all to my community and an out of shape, tired public servant is going to do them a bit of good. I want to be confident with doing a search and rescue that I will come out alive, and not be a burden on my fellow brothers and sisters. I want to lift my patient with confidence. But most of all I want to continue to serve my fellow men and women for the next 20 or so year and not go out with heart, back of joint problems.
Wish me luck....I'm going to need it..
LO
VE
Christian
I have always been the skinny girl all though life. It wasn't until my fiancee was killed, and having a baby in my teens that weight ballooned.
I have struggled with my weight since I was 22. I am turning 35 this August.
So far with the p90x diet plan alone, I have lost 10 lbs.
I am coming off a knee injury and having another baby. So, I have been sedimentary since October of 2008.
I am a firefighter and EMT, so my day jobs mostly consists on mostly sitting around.
I was never too concerned with my health and weight until I became a roller derby girl in 2007. I watched as the new girls who took better care of themselves always passed me by and get on the teams faster then me. I am on leave and would like to slim down and show my team I have the right stuff and discipline to make a great roller derby girl.
Another reason I want to get in to shape(Besides ROUND) is I am a firefighter and EMT. I want to give my all to my community and an out of shape, tired public servant is going to do them a bit of good. I want to be confident with doing a search and rescue that I will come out alive, and not be a burden on my fellow brothers and sisters. I want to lift my patient with confidence. But most of all I want to continue to serve my fellow men and women for the next 20 or so year and not go out with heart, back of joint problems.
Wish me luck....I'm going to need it..
LO
VE
Christian
Monday, June 28, 2010
Support my Blog!!
Well, yeah.
I got the all clear from my doc. I will be picking up where I left off.
P90x tomorrow Day 1. Please help me by supporting this insanity.
Loves and Slugs
Christian
I got the all clear from my doc. I will be picking up where I left off.
P90x tomorrow Day 1. Please help me by supporting this insanity.
Loves and Slugs
Christian
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I got the all clear, well in two weeks....
With the recent injury, I have had to stall my p90x exercise routine. I get the all clear to do my routine again, but in 2 weeks. I'll blog then
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I'm not giving up!!!!!
Yes. I finally started my P90x.
Then I suffered a knee injury that make walking unbearable let alone exercise.
I am not giving up, I'm resting.
I am following the diet and I have lost 2 lb.. Not bad for not moving.
I am going to start detoxing of sugars and fast food will be COMPLETELY cut out before I restart my journey. I have a lot of obstructions in my way in the up coming months. I will not be home as much. I have been accepted in a program to better my life by becoming a paramedic. I got a new job as an EMT-B, and Roller Derby is out of question until the knee is cleared.
With that said wish me luck I can hold out. I may not have my beach body by this summer, but I will be able to wear a swimsuit without shame, and maybe be ready by Novembers trip to Disney
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Day 2 I think????
Weight:173.4
Plans have changed. It was pouring this morning and I let my hubby take my car to work. I still have my DVD to do I skated thirty minutes of roller derby last night.
Paintball will be next weekend. Hiking will have to be put off til tomorrow. Derby practice tomorrow night. I'm sleeping better and my attitude is improving.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Plans have changed. It was pouring this morning and I let my hubby take my car to work. I still have my DVD to do I skated thirty minutes of roller derby last night.
Paintball will be next weekend. Hiking will have to be put off til tomorrow. Derby practice tomorrow night. I'm sleeping better and my attitude is improving.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Day one of the p90x diet
Weight 175.6
Well above all else I can go to the bathroom. All the water the diet tells you to do makes you go constantly. (1 and 2).
The only problem I see with the diet is I'm a firefighter. I can't starve my body of calories, especially during training.
Today is core synergistics. I'm on the lean p90x. Doesn't look too bad.
I have a derby match today also. Ugh. I'm glad I don't work. I'm going to need that day to recover.
Sundays plans include cardio x. Hike at blackbird in the early am and maybe a trip to the beach. There is no derby practice that day. Oooo paintball I forgot.
Monday is the next video and i'll do that at the fire house because weights are there. Arm shoulders and back. Another hike.
That's enough pre-planning for now. In just going to play it by ear anyway. But it's always good to have a plan.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Well above all else I can go to the bathroom. All the water the diet tells you to do makes you go constantly. (1 and 2).
The only problem I see with the diet is I'm a firefighter. I can't starve my body of calories, especially during training.
Today is core synergistics. I'm on the lean p90x. Doesn't look too bad.
I have a derby match today also. Ugh. I'm glad I don't work. I'm going to need that day to recover.
Sundays plans include cardio x. Hike at blackbird in the early am and maybe a trip to the beach. There is no derby practice that day. Oooo paintball I forgot.
Monday is the next video and i'll do that at the fire house because weights are there. Arm shoulders and back. Another hike.
That's enough pre-planning for now. In just going to play it by ear anyway. But it's always good to have a plan.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, April 19, 2010
Tired of being tired....p90x day 1
here I am in all my glory. I had a baby in september, but I am back to my PRE-pregnancy weight. Yes, I actually lost weight during my pregnancy. Today is core synergies???? I'll tell you what I think. Wish me luck.
Chris
Sunday, January 17, 2010
I need a do over
Yup. Fail.
Didn't make it to the workout today. Didn't follow my diet. What did I do? ate two inside out pizzas and a large bowl of reese's peanutbutter crunch. What are inside out pizza. The equivalancy of two slices of pizza in pastry crust deep fried to a golden crisp. I ate two of them. Yup. Fail.
*****disclaimer***** these are my raw emotions at the time I write them. I maybe flying off he handle or honestly feel this way at the time. Please stay tuned for the full story as it unfolds. I truely don't know how this storyboard going to end.
Love always,
Chris
Didn't make it to the workout today. Didn't follow my diet. What did I do? ate two inside out pizzas and a large bowl of reese's peanutbutter crunch. What are inside out pizza. The equivalancy of two slices of pizza in pastry crust deep fried to a golden crisp. I ate two of them. Yup. Fail.
*****disclaimer***** these are my raw emotions at the time I write them. I maybe flying off he handle or honestly feel this way at the time. Please stay tuned for the full story as it unfolds. I truely don't know how this storyboard going to end.
Love always,
Chris
Friday, January 15, 2010
Fail
Ok. So I'm not follwing my diet again. I'm suppose to eat within an hour of waking up to avoid hunger. I have been up for three and craving carb because I'm starving. I have tons of cleaning to do, but I'm far from motivated. I have crew tonight at 6 pm. I wonder what the night has in store.
*****disclaimer***** these are my raw emotions at the time I write them. I maybe flying off he handle or honestly feel this way at the time. Please stay tuned for the full story as it unfolds. I truely don't know how this storyboard going to end.
Love always,
Chris
Thursday, January 14, 2010
There is always tomorrow...
Yeah definitely tomorrow. Maybe Monday. But definitely sunday with my derby workout.
Cheers
Well, I think I set a new record on cheating on diets. I officially started my p90x diet at 8:30 this morning and I toasted it at 6:00 pm with 3 cinnamon buns and a diet pepsi...let the good times roll.
Nothing accomplished
I'm in the tub. Yep, I need to warm the knees ip and get dress, I'm sore from inactivity. It's amazing how fibromyalgia people feel great after working out, but feel like being hit by a truck when they get sedimentary.
I'm going to soak for a few more minutes. Then I have to get moving. Got get some kinda cleaning done.
*****disclaimer***** these are my raw emotions at the time I write them. I maybe flying off he handle or honestly feel this way at the time. Please stay tuned for the full story as it unfolds. I truely don't know how this storyboard going to end.
Love always,
Chris
I'm going to soak for a few more minutes. Then I have to get moving. Got get some kinda cleaning done.
*****disclaimer***** these are my raw emotions at the time I write them. I maybe flying off he handle or honestly feel this way at the time. Please stay tuned for the full story as it unfolds. I truely don't know how this storyboard going to end.
Love always,
Chris
Day one of p90x
So far, not so good. I'm waiting on the printer. I have printed this stuff out before, but I think it's in my husband's car. Today is day one of the p90x diet. Made chicken noodle soup for lunch. I still need to boil my eggs for breakfast. Basically, I'm doing my old dibetic diet. Low sugar, less than 30% carbs, high fiber. I lost a lot of weight on that. It's just maintaining it. Baby is sleeping right now, and needs me to feel secure. Once he is truely asleep, I need to get some cleaning downstairs done.
Damn emergency alert system test. Woke him up. Shit. This may take a while.
Ok plans today:
Start diet
Help up at derby den
Fax paperwork to hart to heart
Sign up for the YMCA
Cleaning
Workout when Hubby gets home up at the firehouse.
*****disclaimer***** these are my raw emotions at the time I write them. I maybe flying off he handle or honestly feel this way at the time. Please stay tuned for the full story as it unfolds. I truely don't know how this storyboard going to end.
Love always,
Chris
Damn emergency alert system test. Woke him up. Shit. This may take a while.
Ok plans today:
Start diet
Help up at derby den
Fax paperwork to hart to heart
Sign up for the YMCA
Cleaning
Workout when Hubby gets home up at the firehouse.
*****disclaimer***** these are my raw emotions at the time I write them. I maybe flying off he handle or honestly feel this way at the time. Please stay tuned for the full story as it unfolds. I truely don't know how this storyboard going to end.
Love always,
Chris
Monday, January 11, 2010
Ok I got the P90x stuff in the mail today. I already started cutting carbs and going back on my diabetic diet.
I have been feeling depressed lately. I have to go back to my doctor and hopefully they will put me on a med that doesn't make me bloat.
Looking at this stuff. I think I'm going to die. Derby practice tonight there is 2 hours of cardio.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
P09x
I started the p90x lifestyle today. Which is like my diabetic diet but with portion control and exercise. I have cheated already. But this what I go through everytime I start somehing new. I'm starting an new blog about my rookie year on The South Jersey Derby Girls team. I will not be blogging on that everyday like I'm about to here. I'm planning to do a dogie houser thing to try to keep my ass on track.
Right now I'm contemplating separation from my husband. I'm dying from stress everyday so I have to lose some baggage. If he doesn't straigten out, we are going to have do our own thing for a bit so I can get my head together.
I love him with all my heart, but I'm having chest pains and headaches everyday. I can't keep torturing myself. Things are to change today.
Loves
Chris
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Right now I'm contemplating separation from my husband. I'm dying from stress everyday so I have to lose some baggage. If he doesn't straigten out, we are going to have do our own thing for a bit so I can get my head together.
I love him with all my heart, but I'm having chest pains and headaches everyday. I can't keep torturing myself. Things are to change today.
Loves
Chris
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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